I just thought I’d mention – this piece contains some corase language (later on).
Do men really date women who remind them of their mothers? Quite a question indeed, raised in an article I read a couple of years ago from a book that was meant to help me understand the opposite sex. It provided more questions than answers I am afraid.
Now, first off, I am not a professional, just thought I might mention this. I am a twenty something year old man who has perhaps a little too much time on his hands and thus thought about this specific idea. Over half of my friends are women and they often pose to me the question whether or not men find women that remind them of their mother’s attractive. I think this may be because on occasion men may be implied to make jokes the likes of ‘gee, thanks mum’ when a woman might say something, et al.
I do suppose that the psychological ideals behind this theory would explore how the bond between mother and son is an incredibly close one that is instigated within the womb and carried over as the child takes his first breath in the real world. The shrinks would go on to explain how mothers are the women who are primarily around their sons as they develop, and their bond becomes ever closer, so when a man goes out hunting for a partner, he begins to look for a replacement to his own flesh and blood. After all, the end concept here is to find a woman, settle down and have a family, and what better person to have said family with than a woman who you could trust; a woman who is like the mother who raised you, and who will do the same to your children. Plus, the man is no longer going to have mummy with him twenty four seven and inevitably needs a woman to replace the empty void in his heart.
But that is just gobbedy gook spawned forth from my mind. I guess the reason why I am writing about this is my general fear about it happening to me. Yes, FEAR ladies and gentleman. Now, why would I fear settling down with a woman who reminds me of my mother? After all, she helped raise me, feed me cloth me, and do hundreds of other things throughout my life. Well, you see, it goes something like this; I kind of want to be rid of her. I don’t mean permanently. I just mean she has been somewhat of a permanent fixture in my life since birth and I do not want a woman who will continue to remind me of her in my life for the rest of time, which it will certainly feel like. I want to be free. Now, some might say that being with a woman for life is like having a ball and chain attached to your ankle. The same could be said in my view about my mother. So why would I leave her to be with a woman who looks like her, acts like her and does the same things as her? I would be taking off that ball and chain for but a second, before reattaching it with a lock far more impossible to pick than the last one.
So, how would I describe my mother? Okay, well my mother is quite tall, which is perhaps where I gain my height because she is taller than my father. She is additionally two years younger than my dad. My mother is thin, has short, light brown colored hair, green eyes, fair skin and is seventh generation Australian. Additionally, she is intelligent to the degree of being pretentiously egotistical about it, believing herself to be the smartest person alive. My mother doesn’t always speak her mind, often handling people and situations with kid gloves, has little sense of humor and tends to complain when there is nothing to become rattled about, and is quite possibly the single most negative woman I have ever associated with.
Now, I am going to be perfectly honest here. As far as I can tell, this specific subject is one that women in particular are more interested in than men, so I’ll quickly provide the answer that you may be interested to hear. Do I personally, want to date a woman who reminds me of my mother. No. What kind of woman am I interested in then? To further strengthen my argument on the subject matter, I am going to explain. The kind of woman I am interested in is as follows; petite, shoulder length (or longer) dark brown hair and brown eyes (any color brown, hazel, et al, not fussy). My dream woman will be intelligent, witty and have a great, healthy sense of humor and sarcasm, and a strong personality. She will have a happy, positive demeanor, and is, moreover, not Australian. You read that last part right. I am Australian, born and bred, but I have not ever in my life gone out on a date with an Australian woman. My last girlfriend was Canadian, born in Montreal. So, on this note, my dream girlfriend can be either American, Canadian or European and speaks more than one language. Of course, the implied stigma is that one of these languages will need to be English because I unfortunately do not have the necessary intellect to learn more than one vernacular. On top of this, my dream woman will be between four to twelve years older than me, not younger. I cannot say that I speak for every guy, but I do hope that provides you, dear reader, with some perspective on this argument. On that note, I can’t seem to imagine a woman who has all of the qualities I just mentioned growing on trees. Wait, let me go check my backyard.
Five minutes pass…
Another two minutes pass…
No, unfortunately not!I guess the point that I am trying to make here is that although some of the characteristics that I wish to find in a partner of mine may be reminiscent of some traits that my mother may have, most of them are not, and are quite the opposite actually. Again, I cannot speak for the entire male gender when I develop this connotation. In my opinion, if I wanted a woman who reminded me of my mother I would never have moved out of my parent’s home.
Now, I might as well bring up the elephant in the room. I do mean of course figuratively, not the real elephant I have sitting in my corner who I stole last Thursday from Australia Zoo. Fools. Haven’t even realised she’s missing yet! Anyway, I digress, because this topic I will discuss now in relation to this post is quite serious. Although I may have my wants and desires when it comes to my dream woman, as does any guy. Additionally, women have their requirements for their dream boyfriend. However, culture today, as it always has, plays a significant role in our choices, as does our parents backgrounds.
The Australian PM goes on quite regularly about how wonderful it is that this country is founded on the principles of a multi-cultural society. I however would have to disagree on that. Now, I don’t mean to come off like a racist son of a bitch, so please, allow me to explain. It might be a bit of an assumption, an ignorant one at that, but I think many could believe me if I were to say that not all of the countries in the world like each other. If they did, then there’d be one less reason for war. We all come from different walks of life; we all have different religions; different beliefs; different cultures, all of which contradict the other. And it is because of that, that these differences that make us who we are, also prevent us from conforming to the lives of others. So, if you put, oh, I don’t know, a cool hundred thousand people from each and every country in the world into one continent, I don’t think it would be too far a stretch to say that not everyone is going to get along. In fact, I can assure you, it is in my belief that they certainly would not.
On top of this, family’s pass down their culture to their children, which keeps it alive throughout the centuries and preserves that way of life. However, it hinders the advancement of it as well. Supposedly, inter-racial relationships were instigated a few decades or so ago. I would disagree by what I see in Australian society today. Parents tell their children not to affiliate with people who are of a certain culture. Hell, in high school I was looked down upon. I went to a school where I was, I swear to you, one of three Anglo-Saxons in my entire year level, and let me tell you, I was looked down upon by some of my peers because of this. A good many of these specific groups of individuals took an instant loathing to me because of my heritage.
Additionally, parents still to this day arrange marriages for their children, wanting them to marry a person who is one hundred per cent a member of their culture. Greeks marry Greeks. Italians marry Italians. Vietnamese marry Vietnamese. Iranians marry Iranians, and so on and so forth. Perhaps there are a couple of marriages dotted across the landscape that might contradict my theory, but I can assure you, not many would. I myself have personal experience of this. In my last year of high school I began a relationship with a woman who had a Turkish background. The ‘relationship’, if you could call it that lasted less than a week. A friend of the young woman I fancied happened to mention to her parents what was happening, and let me assure you, they were less than impressed. The father of the woman I liked had a quick discussion with me when I went to take his daughter out on a date. Well, ‘discussion’ might be too lax a word, since it was him doing most of the talking. Now, I don’t remember everything he said, but one sentence, his final one in fact, is what stands out foremost in my mind, to this very day even. He said, ‘I will not allow my daughter to have a relationship with some stupid fucking Anglo cunt.’
The end point I am attempting to concoct is that inter-racial relationships are probably not ‘in season’ this year, and probably won’t be for quite a while, if ever, at least in this country. Some people say that stereotypical Australians are racist. Maybe they are right. But I think that other cultures may want to wear that banner too, for I would call preventing people from having relationships with one another based on their cultural background to be racist, even if they do not. It would be hypocritical to call one culture racist, only to antagonise them racially after branding them with such a title.
There is of course one more notation I wish to discuss; the notion that I think some women (at least some of my lady friends) believe that they may become a ‘replacement mummy.’ I remember reading this terrible book my parents were given as a wedding gift which talked about what it meant to be married, and it outlined approximately five different circumstances, one I will discuss with you now. This particular concept explored the man and his mother’s meat loaf, and his want for his wife to cook that which he had been fed time and time again. So, the wife asks the mother for the recipe and cooks it for her man once a week. Later, once a month. And later still once a year, before never cooking it again. Basically, the story went something like this; over time, the woman forces her own cooking, living and general styles onto her man who then forgets all about his mother and instead focuses all thoughts onto the new woman in his life. It may take a short while, but it illuminates how it is indeed a possibility.
I guess the end point could be that even if a man picks out a woman who reminds him of his own mother, that in the end, she will try to change him so that she becomes more of what he wants to be. Wait, is that a daddy complex? Then I guess one could argue that women want a man who might remind them of their father? I certainly hope not, cuz I sincerely doubt I could ever live up to such expectations.
This, as always, is simply my opinion. I hope I did not offend too much. I also apologise if you came here thinking you were going to find GOOD information.
Thank you for reading.
Naughty Nefarious, signing off.