How important are looks in everyday life?

How much do looks play in everyday life?

On my blog I occasionally ask rhetorical questions such as this, and I often do enjoy some of the responses that come from them.

I ask because, well, I guess it is kind of difficult to explain without being an open book.

I am unsure if I have ever admitted to this on the blog I am writing in now, and if not, I guess this is as good a time as any; my name is Derek, and I have lived with depression since I was 15.

Why do I admit to this you may ask? Well, I doubt my mental state was at all helped by a number of my high school peers who seemed to make it their duty to ensure that my years spent undertaking secondary education would be incredibly gruesome, and being continuously abused, physically as well as mentally left a number of scars, and not just the visible ones. Being continuously told to go kill myself only furthered my suicidal behavior; being told how much I was hated only made me hate myself even more; and being told how hideous I was only caused me to loathe the way I look more than I already did.

I am naturally one of those people who has never really been truly satisfied with my looks, but I neither have the intention (or the money) to go under the knife to do anything about that. Although I was once a child model, I believe my looks began to wane at an early age, and if you direct your attention stage right, I am sure you can make your own observation on how hideous I generally am.

All of this information leads directly back to the question I asked at the beginning of this post.

Now, before I continue, I will say this; even though I was once in a five year relationship with a woman, what I know about women I could probably write on a post-it note, and what I don’t know about women could fill a series of novels that could span for generations. I am writing this because I have a theory; I believe that women care more about looks than men do.

I do not mean any offense by that, and if I have caused it, I do apologise but please, allow me to explain. Many women talk about how they care about feelings, and this argument has been made during my university classes when women are discussing the lack of realism generated by certain female characters in literature, complaining that the author did not place another emphasis on emotions experienced by these fictional women.

However, I would argue, how often do you see a beautiful woman going out with a man who is not good looking?

As an example; there was a woman I knew during my undergraduate university course, who said online and off that she was ‘not shallow’, and thus did not care how a man looked like. She said all she cared about were feelings. Now, she told me once that she liked me – I believe this was a general observation of my character. When I asked her out, she was absolutely horrified that I had come onto her and made it very clear that she did not wish to date me – why not; simple – I wasn’t good looking enough. This, dear reader, was her reason for not going out with me.

This happened a year ago, so I am very much over such an occurrence. Instead, I am attracted to someone else now, and again, this pertains to my original question.

In July I asked this woman out, she told me she was already in a relationship, and I told her I would respect her answer and have since then left her alone. Unfortunately for me she happens to be in one of my university classes and I bump into her once a week, and although I am smart (that’s debatable) enough to realise that nothing is going to happen, and on every other day I barely ever think about her, it isn’t exactly easy for me to inevitably bump into a woman that I am attracted to and have this rather awkward silence hanging over us.

You see, I didn’t exactly ask this woman out in the conventional sense – I wrote her a poem, where I wrote about how beautiful she was; how fascinating I found her to be, and how I would happily die a million deaths to buy her a coffee, among a couple of other things that may be a little too embarrassing to write here. I didn’t sign my name or anything; I concluded the piece anonymously, and said that if she wanted to know the ‘writer of this here verse’ that if she were to wait around when lunch time arrived, that I would make myself apparent.
So, she waited around; she gave me her answer; and thus, awkward moment.

Now, one of the reasons I became attracted to this woman was, well, I guess her aurora; she just naturally stood out (you know, when everyone else ceases to exist and only this one person is visible in a crowd of several dozen other people), and another would be the fact she did not seem to be very popular. She never sat with the ‘cool crowd’ and during lunch breaks I noticed she only ever hung out with one other woman, and no one else.

These were two of the reasons I was attracted to her; I am not to sure these reasons apply so much now though. Yes, I am still attracted to her, I can’t help it (and unfortunately for me, being in the same class as her has helped me realise she isn’t just beautiful, but incredibly intelligent and has a healthy sense of humor, so, damn, damn, damn!) but she seems to have deliberately changed her attitude or something to conform to the societies in the classroom. I did mention that she seemed to not hang out with the ‘cool crowd’, and originally in class she didn’t either.

You see, there is this group of about three guys and three women who are ‘the cool kids’, a term once used by a young woman who said these three words before ditching her own friends to go sit with them. In class it generally seems that everyone is lining up to kiss their arse, be their next best friends, and if that is not enough, I know for a fact that at least one of the guys has dated one of the women, if not two of them judging by the conversations I have overheard him having with some of his other friends.

Now though, the woman I am attracted to; she sits with this crowd; and hangs out with them after class.

I will note that I am in no way this woman’s keeper, and she has every right to do whatever she wishes and spend time with whoever she wants. Just because I will never be associated with the ‘cool crowd’ in no way means that she should not be.

But this again goes back to the question regrading looks, but this is not the physical sense of the word, as much as it is the visual of one’s character. This certain young woman (I do know her name FYI, I am just refusing to use it in this post as to not further embarrass myself!) has obviously decided that she would rather look ‘cool’ than look like a loner (like me!) and although I respect her decision, it certainly means that if she were to break up with her current partner, that I have absolutely no chance of ever being with her since those associated with the popular crowd never lower themselves to interact with those beneath them.

Continuing on with the notion of if she were to break up with her current partner, would she remember that I am attracted to her and alert me to the fact that her relationship status has changed when she is ready to begin dating again? Or will she not give a damn and go out with either someone associated with the crowd she now associates herself with, or with someone more attractive than I am?

I realise it is not healthy to like someone who is unattainable. However, I find it difficult to move on when I am going to keep bumping into this woman until the start of November. Once this month comes around the chance I will see her again is minimal, and then I will probably be able to resume my life as usual. Until then, I am cursed to see this woman.

So again, I ask the question, how important are looks in everyday life?

I don’t necessarily need any answers, but anyone who wishes to contribute to this post, feel welcome to write your thoughts into the comments section below.

Thank you for reading dear reader and I hope you have a pleasant day.

If you are broke, do you have the right to ask someone out on a date?

In the past on this blog I have asked two questions regarding relationships, including ‘do guys date women who remind them of their mothers’ after reading an article on the subject and feeling a little queasy at the thought, to asking ‘do women date guys who wear glasses’, which was more of a rhetorical question, but I was glad for the feedback generated by it.

Today I am asking another question, and as suggested by the title, it is as follows: if you are broke, or are not economically comfortable, do you have the right to ask someone out?

Over the course of this post I am going to be talking about a man asking a woman out, however, the same argument can be made for anyone of any gender in any relationship.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m broke, don’t get me wrong. Of course, I wouldn’t openly admit to such an embarrassing notion even if I was. At the moment I have the money to sustain myself and acquire the necessities (food, etc) and can acquire entertainment on an occasional basis, however, if I were in a relationship, I have no evidential proof of how long I would be able to afford to go out with a woman before I inevitably ran out of money to date her, let alone support my own existence.

I think it is an obvious connotation, that if a guy asks a woman out, then he is expected to pay for, well, a lot, and I will not argue against this assumption. If you are asking someone out, you are asking for their time and their commitment and so you should fork out the money to enjoy their company. You are asking them to accompany you to places and to spend time with your friends. If you were not a part of their life they would be spending their time doing other things, and so, if you ask me, the man should put up most, if not all the money for the time that he is lucky to be spending with a living, breathing human being that they like.

However, if you do not have the money to accommodate for this, then I am unsure whether the man has the right to even ask the woman that he fancies out. I believe it would be plain rude for a man to ask for a woman to spend her time with him, only to say after a decent night’s meal at a fancy restaurant ‘oh, I don’t think I can entirely afford this, do you mind paying for half the bill?’
A woman may have agreed to go out with the man, but I cannot imagine her ever agreeing to pay for the meal that the man wanted her to have with him, nor would I even want her to. Maybe I’m strange, but I feel a man would have quite the nerve to ever do that to a woman. I’m not saying a woman could not afford it, not at all; I’m saying that she probaly would not have attended this restaurant if the man had not asked her there, so why ask this certain lady to put her hard earned cash into the equation when it was the man who asked her to be there in the first place?

Adjunctively, what if a woman left her former partner to have a relationship with a man who had recently captivated her attention, only to discover that he was not as economically stable as the partner she recently left? Would she not feel horribly cheated?

The reason I am asking these questions right now is as follows – if a man does not believe he can afford to take a woman out for the period of longevity that he would like the relationship to last, should he simply not bother to ask a woman out at all?
This may seem like an easy decision to make when written on paper, or in this case, a blog, but I would argue against that therom.

I believe that as soon as we humans in general agree to have a romantic relationship with another person, that we give up the ignorance we were originally born with, that ‘ignorance’ being our unknowing of how it feels to be in love. The moment we welcome someone into our heart, I believe that we become accustomed to that feeling, and thus, cannot live without it. I’m not saying that dating is like oxygen, and is thus a mandatory part of life, but I am arguing that if that first person we date were to leave us, it leaves a hole, and every time anyone leaves from that moment on, the hole returns.
Before dating we had no idea of the pain felt when someone leaves. We also had no idea of the loneliness felt when we do not have a paramour in our lives. True, if a person has friends and family they are not essentially ‘alone’ per se, but there is a difference between the hole left from not having family, and the hole left from not having a love interest.

I can’t really believe I am going to admit to this (however I will because it will strengthen my argument), but I myself have not been in a relationship for over a couple of years, and I can assure you dear reader if you do not already know, that what I noted in the previous paragraph is true, at least for me. Although I have friends and family, they cannot fill the hole that is now meant for a paramour, and it does become quite brutal every so often when I realise how many a night is the same – dinner for one, dessert for one, wine for twelve (maybe I’m kidding about the wine, or am I?).
It would just be nice to have someone in my life that I could love because, well, isn’t it nice to love someone and to be loved back? I’m sure there is not a single person out there who will disagree.

Now, unless I’m destined to spend the rest of my existence alone, and I would hate for that to come to fruition, I would like to think there is still hope for me, which comes all the way back to my original question – do I have the right to ask a woman I like out if I cannot fathom I will be able to always afford the ability to take her out?
Of course, there is more to dating than going to fancy restaurants, clubs and theaters, and I am sure continuously having a woman over at my place for dinner, or cooking at hers; or making every date night a movie night, will inevitably become quite boring.
Besides, if you like someone, there is the expectation that one must shower them with gifts every so often. The argument ‘I will always love you’ in my opinion has not been enough for some time, and unless you can show a woman your affection through jewellery, clothes and other like accessories, I do not think that the four letter word in the three word sentence will always remain believable.

On this note, image is just as important as affection, which is often where economics comes into this, for money does pertain to a person’s lifestyle. Now, I am not an expert on women (who is?), but I think it is a fact (and if it’s not then I beg the forgiveness of every woman on the planet) that women like men who are: good looking, older than they are, mature, confident, economically comfortable and suitable to the lifestyle the woman enjoys, have their own place of accommodation (basically, they are not a kipper and still sleep over at mum’s house when they are nearly thirty years of age), own a car of their own (and can drive it, although I think ownership usually implies driving capability), are in a professional occupation, and on top of that, have the ability to keep a job for a period of longevity.

Although I can admit to having some of these qualities, I would be lying if I did not openly admit that all of these do not necessarily describe the man I am today. Again, this leads to the question, do I have the right to ask a woman out if I am not economically stable?

Additionally, does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he is still in is twenties and lives with his parents?
Does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he does not own a car?
Does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he is not incredibly popular and really good looking?

I’m not saying those three above questions pertain to me, but they do fall into the same category as the primary question that I had begun this post with. I think I am getting ahead of myself here, but I do believe all of these questions can be asked.

Now, perhaps these ideologies are simply those generated by a mind that is lacking confidence in the area of dating? Maybe so, but the fact remains the same that money is unequivocally an important factor in a relationship. According to research statistics recovered online, it costs between 2-4 thousand dollars a year to maintain a stereotypical relationship, and if one does not believe they can afford this kind of money, should he attempt to orchestrate a relationship with a woman in the first place?

I realise I keep asking the same question time and time again, and that will be the last time I do so.
This here is just my opinion. Any other opinions on the subject will be very welcome in the comments section below.

Thank you for reading, and I bid all of you a good day.

What do you think?

 

I mentioned in my Christmas post that I received a new phone as a gift; a GT-C3520 Clam Shell.

After inserting my old SIM card into my new device, I found that all of the information stored on there; the numbers of my friends, family and acquaintances; the history of texts and calls that I had sent and received, along with my photos and recordings were all unavailable.

My old phone was an LG Clam Shell, and my new one is a Samsung, and with that said; only the number is the functional part of my old phone that was successfully integrated with my new device.

So, I therefore had to go and place my SIM card back into my old phone because I didn’t know most of the numbers of my friends and family off by heart and had to make backups of any files that I felt were important, which I transferred onto a USB. The numbers however I had to physically write down and later transfer into my new phone.

Some, I admit, did not make it onto the new phone, and this cleansing cycle made me wonder; why did I still have half of the numbers on there anyway when the last time I had communicated with such people, the human race was running around in leopard skins whacking each other over the heads with sticks as a way to communicate with other tribes.

I did come across one number in particular that I am undecided upon, and wish to ask the general public their thoughts on this matter.

The number belongs to a certain young woman that I used to fancy, and still have feelings for. We never did date, and even though there might have been a spark once, we left things on a rather negative note when we last spoke.

On top of this, I most likely have a greater chance of flying to Jupiter than I do of ever either seeing her again, or going out to dinner with her.

However, even with that said, should I keep her number somewhere in my phone – perhaps in one of those ‘groups’ sections? An opportunity may one day present itself I do suppose, although this is unbelievably slim. Another theory could be that having her number will prevent me from successfully moving forward with my life.

I am at a loss of what to do right now, and any thoughts and/or opinions on this matter will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Who is this ‘the one’ the Backstreet Boys spoke of?

 

I am certain that everyone is familiar with the term ‘the one’.

Now, I must warn you all before proceeding; I may begin to rant and rave on a bit here. You have being officially warned!

For those who believe in love at first sight, I would presume that they find ‘the one’ they have been looking for incredibly easily.

But what about those who do not believe the concept of falling for someone the moment you see them? Yes, I am talking about those who believe in falling in love over a period of time as they become acquainted with the certain someone in their life.

Now, for argument’s sake, let’s assume the next portion of this post is purely hypothetical.

Say there is this woman; a woman who is single.

She says that she likes to go out with her friends because she believes there is the chance she might bump into ‘the one’.

She likes to go out to bars and nightclubs and new restaurants and other such establishments in the hope of ‘reeling in’ ‘the one’.

She says that she is very curious to know when she is going to fall in love.

She says she has this list of qualities that her dream man must have, which include been skilled in mechanics, plumbing, carpentry, electronics, cooking and child care. If not, then her dream man will over time acquire these skills so the two of them may have a life together.

She says she does not care about the physical appearance of her dream man.

She also says that she does not believe in love at first sight, like I explained earlier, and that she believes in falling in love over a period of time.

Now, hypothetically, how does she know who ‘the one’ is?

Hypothetically also, let’s say there is this guy who has displayed interest in her. How is he not ‘the one’ for her, when she has these requirements? Is this not contradictory?

This man, he has confessed that he loves her; that he would do anything for her; that he will go to any length for her; be anything for her. He has been completely honest, open and truthful about his feelings. He has even provided her with a number of gifts.

How is he not ‘the one’?

What’s in a Name?

 

Recently I have been going through an older TV show fetish where I wander aimlessly across the internet and through random stores around my location looking for shows I used to watch. Such have included already (and in no particular order) Walker: Texas Ranger, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Xena and Relic Hunter.

There is another show, one of the many I used to watch on television, but I cannot for the life of me remember its title; hence the reason for this post. Seems to me that in every second post I am asking for assistance of some sort, but that’s the power of social media, right? You ask a question, and in doing so, are not limited by the responses.

So, here goes…

I cannot remember the title, nor the names of the characters, but I can remember the general narrative, etc. I also do not know if this series ever made it to DVD, for some are never granted that opportunity.

This particular fictional TV show was been aired between the years 2000 – 2002 (approximately) and had a paranormal theme to it.

There were two main protagonists, a man and a woman, both of whom were in their early thirties (approx) and often dressed sharply and professionally. The man was white, wore glasses, had dark hair and was reasonably tall. And I just described a good percentage of the entire male population… additionally; it was the man who believed in the paranormal. The woman who was his partner had an African American background, and had her hair frequently in either a perm or in an afro style of appearance. The woman had some kind of clinical psychological background and was the more grounded of the partnership, often developing a more rational theorem to any and all investigations.

During the theme of the show; the intro at the beginning of each episode where they provide the name of the series and the cast of lead characters, they would show the man and the woman talking for what must have been the first time. The man says to the woman, who has a little difficulty fathoming what he is saying, when he explains that he investigates, as he puts it ‘paranormal phenomenon.’

Now, I can remember two of the episodes that were screened on TV;

In one, the duo investigate a man who is apparently been haunted by none other than his imaginary friend who he had when he was very young. At the beginning of the episode he collapses in the middle of nowhere and his imaginary friend apparently calls an ambulance for him by using the man’s own cell phone, but no fingerprints were ever found at the scene, which causes the male protagonist to conclude that perhaps the boy who called it in wore gloves. True, they eventually do find some adolescents who hang out in the area, but it is eventually proven that they are not involved.
The man been haunted will often hear a basketball bouncing around, but see no body. In one scene, he makes his way out from the underground car park to the elevator, and upon entering the elevator this arm suddenly reaches in, in its attempt to grab him. On the security feed it shows no such hand, but it does show the elevator doors do retract during the moment as though there was indeed something preventing them from closing.
At the end of the episode, the imaginary friend of the man been haunted comes into his bedroom and throws the basketball at him, yelling at him to ‘tell them’ what secret he has been hiding. It is discovered that the man injured a young woman in a hit and run, and after apologising for his crime, the haunting ceases, a letter been left which says that the man who was been haunted has ‘won’, the note apparently been left by the imaginary friend.

In the second episode that I remember, the male protagonist begins to look into a woman with an Asiatic background whom he suspects as been some kind of woman of death, for lack of a better term. He discovers photos going back through the years of people who have died/been dying, and in all of them the woman appears wearing a jet black attire of sorts; and amazingly enough, over the years she has never aged.
He meets a woman who he suspects to be this supposed woman of death, but she appears to be a stereotypically normal individual…until he himself ends up in hospital and sees her standing over him in a black attire.
Whilst he is temporarily out of it, the lead female protagonist talks to the woman with the Asiatic background when she discovers the large allotment of photos going back through the years. The female protagonist explains that her friend suspects that she is some kind of death omen of shorts, and the Asiatic woman is unable to determine how a woman who looks exactly like she does, with the exception of her dress sense, appears in all of the photos of death.
Don’t ask me how this one ends because I haven’t a clue.

Well, there you have it. Probably not the best of help, but it’s the best that I can do. If you have any information, or know the title of this show in question, I will be very appreciative.

Thank you for reading.

Sincerely,

Naughty Nefarious.