The rat bastard playing loud music down the road from me must be silenced!

 

If I can hear the sound of the bass, the drums, the guitar, the lyrics and everything else several houses down, what is it like for the occupants of the residence where the music is playing?

I for one have never truly understood where playing music as loud as friggin’ possible ever managed to be described as ‘enjoyable’.

Having your eardrums blown in by music that is been performed by a band playing some brute European deranged rock song is not my idea of a good time, but who am I to judge the deluded, deranged lunatics down the road from me who get off on it? Whatever rocks your boat I say, I would just rather prefer not to hear it over where I am.

The second issue, apart from the noise, which is bad enough, is the time. The music starts at approximately 9:30 at night, and then proceeds to continue until 2 in the damn morning.

Now, calling the cops about this is like calling the man who runs the ice cream van and telling him the exact same thing; some arsehole’s idea of a good time is playing music louder than any sound that has ever been recorded. On top of this, calling the local council about this is as productive as calling the cops, which already illustrated, is pretty friggin’ useless.

Of course, you could always try communicating with the guy playing the music, who takes your attempt to calmly deescalate the situation as an act of war because not only is he a few tiles short of a roof, but he can’t even speak a word of English so you might as well go beat your head up against a wall cuz if you stand there any longer your head will certainly look just about as terrible.

Of course, this leads me back to the title of this post; the rat bastard must be silenced. First off, why rat bastard? Well, because he is a rat. No, he didn’t inform on anyone to the cops – remember, he’s no good with speaking the Eng, so he’s informing skills will be about as useful as his ability to play music at regular room volume. By rat, I mean, he really is a rat. He has tiny black rat eyes, a little nose with whiskers protruding out from the sides, has a pink tail sticking out from the arse end of his body and is additionally covered in a gargantuan layer of hair. Okay, maybe it ain’t such an in-depth comparison, but there certainly is a similarity.

Now, let’s access that word ‘silenced’. I’m not saying that something untoward needs to happen to him – I’m saying that something untoward absolutely must happen to his sound system – it has to be silenced; muted; permanently.

The question would ultimately be how to successfully do so – hypothetically speaking of course.

As previously mentioned, any legal means would ultimately be unsuccessful, which would perhaps leave the illegal, or as some may call it, the desperate means. Basically, I would need to gain entry to the residence, temporarily gain access to the sound system – then grab hold of it and run out of there faster that Road Runner been pursued by Coyote.

I guess it would come down to how many people were at the ‘event’ in question, and, on top of that, how many people were inclined to have the music system there.  Surrounded by a bunch of angry, drunken music loving freaks who came for the songs would be somewhat unimpressed in my view by a certain handsome, intelligent, amazing, quick witted, humorous, fun loving individual stealing their reason for been there.

I could additionally take a sledge hammer to the sound system – that would put both it and me out of our misery, for I cannot imagine that it enjoys having terrible music pumping out from its mouth. The question would be how to get there – a person walking about a party scene with a weapon of mass construction would stand out like legs on a rattlesnake at an event of this proportion – unless there a builder theme to the occasion – then nobody will question me.

Or I could take a pair of scissors and chop the cable – but this issue can be easily amended to some extent or another – unless the cable is fed into the sound system rather than been an attachment which can be connected to the arse end of the device.

Decisions, decisions. Oh, maybe it’s all too hard. How many parties can these people have in a week? Quite a few it would seem. This would make me wonder what the hell they are celebrating? The fact that they are alive? Come on! What happened to the days when a party was just that – an occasion to celebrate the birthday of an individual. Now…well, wish me luck, in any event. Desperation makes people do crazy things and I fear I may be on the verge of doing something really out there. Now, where did I put that sledgehammer?

Soon to be Extinct?…The Security Crisis Worsens…

 

One look at this title may be cause for some concern. Don’t worry…too much at least…the only one who need be frightened now is the one writing this piece…and anyone else suffering any like issues.

As this is officially my 50th post, like on my other blog I would have enjoyed to orchestrate a piece in which I thank all of those who have followed me thus far and wish them all the best. Maybe I can still do that…maybe I’ll take a rain check on that in exchange for what is bothering me so.

For the past two weeks, WordPress has been alerting me that I need to update my browser because mine is inevitably on the verge of expiring and will soon be rendered ‘out of date’. The issue? Well, this little crisis happened about a month ago and I updated my browser which was at the time Internet Explorer 8 with the new and improved Internet Explorer 9.

One would imagine that WordPress does not require such frequent updates.

However, this occasion seems to be worse than the last time this little issue began to bug me, and is no doubt going to get worse judging by the warnings that I keep receiving about aspects of my blog soon to be no longer visible.

I have already lost all of my notifications, my reader is dead, and I can no longer ‘comment’ on most of the blogs that I am following, and with that said, cannot provide others with my unbelievably intelligent words of wisdom (projectile vomits across room). (Yes, that last sentence was dripping with sarcasm).

On my dashboard, a nice red rectangle appears in the left hand corner that explains how I need to acquire an updated browser, else issues concerning security will most likely begin to manifest.

This is the case for both of the blogs that I have, not just one, which is perhaps why such is so disconcerting for me, since both are been plagued by the same ridiculous nonsense. Well, that’s my interpretation anyway.

I am unsure how these ‘security’ issues can arise since I do have Windows Firewall (which is on btw), I am equipped with Spyware Doctor to help remove any and all viruses that may attempt to invade my precious system, and I am equipped with Malwarebytes Anti-Malware which is supposed to find and remove, well, malware.

With that said, and additionally with everything telling me that I am virus and malware free, how can WordPress be so snippy about a possible infection or security threat? I can’t imagine how it could come from my computer. Might sound pretentious or egotistical, but really, I don’t, unless my WordPress blogs are infected somehow, but I don’t know how that could be.

I have tried looking at forums, and I found one that revolved around the exact same issue I am suffering from. Of course, there is always an addendum, isn’t there? The forum has been closed! The damsel in distress who had instigated the forum has apparently received the answer that she required judging by the message that was positioned beneath the location of her issue. Well, I’ll have you know, right now, I’m a dude in distress. Does that mean that I can acquire some assistance?

For such is really what I would appreciate acquiring now. I have looked high and low across the internet. I have sent tweets to WordPress help services. The only thing I have not done is call Microsoft, and until I can verify that it really is a Microsoft issue and not something to do with WordPress, I’m not certain I want to take such a step, for everything else is running flawlessly, with the exception of my blogs.

Additionally I do suppose I could acquire a new web browser from say Firefox, Mozilla, or another like service, but I would personally not want to take such drastic action either unless I have no other choice.

So, if anyone else is experiencing this issue, knows how to successfully navigate past this issue to secure a resolution or can help me in any other way or form, I would gladly appreciate the support. Thank you kindly.

Additionally, if anyone can supply any help, I may not be able to thank you immediately because, like I said, I can no longer comment on most blogs…which at times includes my own.

Thank you for reading!

Sincerely and with kind regards

Naughty Nefarious.

A Predictable Failure?

For anyone who has frequented certain previous posts of mine, you would know that I have on (frequent) occasion mentioned my infatuation with a certain young lady named ‘Elisha’. Well, my ingenious plan was to tell this ominous young woman how I felt about her. I had written a few soporific pieces in regards to my feelings of infatuated love for her, and if you have endured the hardship of reading these deranged cries of love and heartache, then I feel it is my duty to fill you in with the conclusion to this reoccurring love story.

Think of this as your gift for reading all of the previous romanticised drivel that I have thrust upon the pages of this site. Every story is deserving of an ending, even one as tired and boring as the one I have generated on this blog, so allow me to give you the end; in great, verbose detail.

If you have not read my previous posts, then here is quick and very brief recap (of course, my definition of ‘brief’ usually spans around two thousand words).

Two years ago, a young woman named Elisha from Darwin, the capital city of the Northern Territory, made her way to Melbourne and began to attend the same university as I, appearing in a number of my classes. I immediately became attracted to the commitment she applied to her work, in which she endeavored to accomplish everything she began with all of her capability. I found this personal drive of hers to be very attractive, and the fact that she was incredibly beautiful was just an added bonus. Smart, easy to communicate with and with a great personality to boot, she was gorgeous, and often dressed in rather short attire (so short that at times if it had been any shorter her vagina may have made an entrance); to me she was the bees knees.

I came to the conclusion that my telling her how I felt might adversely affect her time in Melbourne if it all went belly up, and so left it to the final semester of our final year together to tell her how I felt.

Well, now with that recap over, I can officially announce that Saturday past was the day that I told her how I felt – via e-mail. Yes; daggy, pathetic, and absolutely without dignity.

‘Why?’ you might ask me, stunned by this sudden admittance. ‘Why use e-mail. Why not confess it to her face?’

Well, you see, I think I’m too much of a gentleman (meaning I’m too much of an emotionally weak bastard) to admit anything to Elisha’s face, although I had every intention of doing so. I asked her at the beginning of Friday if I could borrow some of her time to discuss with her something that was weighing on me. She agreed to do so at the end of the day.

So, I waited, and waited, and waited, and after I had done waiting all that time I then began to get started on waiting some more.

Finally, by the day’s conclusion at approximately 3:46, Elisha and I had our moment to talk; all six seconds of it. The conversation went something like this:

Elisha: ‘Did you want to talk to me?’

The idiot (me): ‘Yes, but if you’re busy we can reschedule to talk next week.’

Elisha: ‘E-mail it to me, okay?’ (Quickly hurries for the door and is already half way across the room)

The idiot: ‘Okeay doakey’ (is this spelt right?)

Okeay Doakey? As I said it, the words did not even seem to be coming from my mouth. You know that moment, when it is like you are watching something from afar rather than actually participating in the occurrence? I personally had never had this happen to me and doubted it could happen – but believe me, if you have not yet experienced it, allow me to tell you – this kind of crap is real – and I warn you, it can, and will happen – if you let it.

Let my experience be a warning to you – now please, go out and live damn it, live!

Anyway – judging by Elisha’s power walk to the door that very action should perhaps have alerted me to the fact that Elisha’s want to talk to me was about as potent as my want to be eaten by a Great White Shark – which I do not want to have happen. My point? I think I should have realised Elisha did not really want to talk. Of course, been a Friday night she probably had a couple parties to get to.

So, on Saturday morning I managed to get up bright and early at around 4 a.m. to write my feelings down. She had told me to write to her, so I felt that I was doing her justice by following her wishes. In the end, I wrote five whole pages worth of me feelings, followed by a love poem.

I have no intention of producing either the confession or love, or the poem. No need to thank me, okay – please, thank me! Yes, yes, I appreciate your warm gratitude. Now, now, don’t get carried away! Please, hold the applause! Okay, let it go! Applaud me baby! YAY!

I will tell you that I confessed to being in love with Elisha. I outlined what I liked about her, and why I had these feelings for her, and then I explained why it had taken me all this time to confess my feelings as I outlined in the ‘brief’ recap. I then asked if she felt a romanticised, legitimate, long term relationship could happen between the two of us, and if she could provide to me an answer to my face, rather than with a tweet, e-mail, voice mail, txt or other like service in case there was a misunderstanding brought on by anything that did not involve direct verbal commentary.

Elisha however decided that the last point I had made in the e-mail was laughable – because she did exactly the opposite and at 11:05 Sunday morning sent her response by e-mail. Now, this I will provide to you:

Naughty (this part (my name) has been changed, obviously. If I actually went around being called ‘Naughty’, who do you think would have been blamed for the past twenty two years every time a cookie disappeared from the cookie jar?)

I just read your e-mail, and although I am flattered by your affection for me, I do not feel the same way.

I hope you can understand where I am coming from and that we can keep things at a professional relationship.

Sincerely

Elisha

P.s (I always thought the ‘s’ in ‘P.S’ was meant to be capitalised. Go figure?) I know you would have preferred me to tell you this in person, but I think my response is clear enough that there shall be no issues with its interpretation.

So, after all this time blogging about this woman of my dreams (not in every post but in at least a good quarter of them) everything officially went belly up.

For anyone who has not read my blog before, you may take one look at what I just wrote and think ‘Jeeze, does this guy e-mail every woman he fancies? He must have never hit a home run!’

However, let me assure you I have had a girlfriend before, bearing in mind it was two years ago, back when people went around clubbing each other over the head with wooden sticks and wore the skin of animals over their private parts. When I did confess me feelings to that particular young woman, it was flawless, and happened a lot easier than this occasion. I told Elizabeth (my then soon to be girlfriend), (I must have an ‘E’ complex, first Elizabeth, now Elisha) that I wanted to be more than friends. Of course, I said this after I pushed her up against a wall in my home and kissed her lips for a good few minutes, before we later went to bed and had lots and lots and lots and lots of…………..food. Yes, hot, steamy, exhausting, passionate, sweaty food. Okay, that’s enough innuendo for one day!

So, now you know how that ended. My Elisha, who is in fact not my Elisha, is to be never more.

Unfortunately, I have found that trying to get over her is a very difficult thing to do, and it would seem that I am completely and utterly in love with her. If I didn’t know this before, then the fact that I am borderline heartbroken due to the fact that I can’t be with her now should indicate that quite clearly to me in vivid heart wrenching detail.

Of course, I do feel that I screwed up, and that on the Friday I should have been a little more persuasive. This is all heading towards a question that I would like to put to my audience. That is if you survived this long…

…should I attempt anything over the next week or so to win Elisha over and gain her affection? This would include anything from kissing her, talking to her, etc, because I honestly am at a loss and would appreciate some much needed guidance. I haven’t had a girlfriend in two years as I pointed out previously, and I don’t know if it shows, but it would seem that I’m a little rusty; like a knight’s armour that was left out in the cold rain for forty five years.

Any answers would be much appreciated!

Thank you for reading people!

Sincerely and with kind regards

Naughty Nefarious