How do you know if a woman likes you?

Really, if you came for advice, allow me to assure you of one thing – you sure ain’t gonna find it here. I didn’t develop the title of this post because I was going to discuss the sudden breakthrough I made of realising how women showed their affections towards you. No, not at all.

Now, I don’t know about other blokes, but I cannot read between the lines. Women give off so many different signs that one can interpret, that you would need a novel, or ten, to properly familiarise yourself with half of the different codes. I however, if it’s any conciliation, can tell when a woman doesn’t like me. That, I am good at. I don’t know about women from other places around the world, but if there’s one thing you can say about Australian women, it is that at least a third of them are blunt and open. I say that because at least a third of the women I have come across have indicated their distinct loathing towards me. Some I don’t even know, and they come outta the blue and up to me to explain ‘I hate your rotten guts’, but it is usually in not such nice terminology. The other thing you can say about that distinct third amount of women – they are not shy when it comes to expressing themselves.

Another great way to tell a woman doesn’t like you is if they go out of their way to avoid you – also a frequent occurrence in my life. In university, yes, even at university, I have noticed women walking down the hall I happen to be located in, spot me, and indicate to their friends that I am there by pointing at me, and like I am the creature from the black lagoon itself, they turn around and go, sometimes the long way around, to get to their endeavored location just so they can avoid me. This is still that third of the women I was talking about.

Now onto the other two thirds – they are the ones who refuse to communicate verbally, but with physical gesture. One could argue that if a woman notices you and speaks to her friends and they giggle that this is a good sign. One could even say that a woman who frequently looks at you is telling you something good as well. Or a woman who speaks to you often, or even a woman who says ‘hi’ to you, even though you have not spoken in several months. Perhaps even a woman who looks jealous when you talk about other women?

There is one thing I will say – whoever designed the male species, or at least whoever designed me, did a very piss poor job – because like I said, I cannot read between the lines, and nor can many other guys I have known. Hell, some have even given up whilst at university with the sole intention of pursing their studies. I wish that was me. It was my intention up until recently at least, but back onto the topic at hand. If a woman giggles to her friends after looking at you – they could be laughing at something someone else said, or hell, they could be laughing at you, who knows?! A woman who looks at you might be looking everywhere but at you, even if her eyes happen to come across your direction. You could be sitting next to the man of her dreams, or the woman of her dreams if she so happens to swing that way. A woman who speaks to you might have simply being raised to be courteous and kind, and a woman who looks jealous, well, she may have a thousand reasons for being so.

The end point here is INTERPRETATION. What the eyes see the mind interprets, and depending if you yourself are compromised romantically, the heart will determine this to be something of import as to further the belief that the woman is as affectionate towards you as your feelings are towards her. Like I said in a previous post ‘sometimes the heart is stupid’, and some of the themes already brought up in this piece are reminiscent of that discussion.

Unfortunately the only really good way to find out is to talk to her, which can be as simple as leaping out of an air plane without a chute. Yes, that is simple, I realise that, but I am trying to paint the picture that it is VERY DANGEROUS! Nuclear even! If you ask me, women, yes, do not have as many rights as men, and equality is an issue that needs to be invested in. But when it comes to relationships – I would like to state that women probably hold most of the power, especially when it comes to their dissolution. They plunge their fingers straight into the chest of the man who has feelings for them and rip out their still beating heart and hold it out before him for all to see. As his eyes glaze over, the last breath escaping from his lings, the woman tosses the heart like a pro cricket player as it slaps into the wall behind the location of the man, its red sticky surface connecting with the wall and lingering as it groans its final few beats. With that, it slides across the surface of the plaster before collapsing onto the ground, the red ooze that was once considered life beginning to drain from the once proud love organ, now rendered obsolete.

Women sometimes also have a tendency to talk. So too do men, but I’ve found women especially when it comes to who likes ‘em, unless of course they find the man asking them out or confessing his feelings to have humiliated them and by talking about such a thing would lesser their stature in the eyes of their friends. However, in cases not like that, women can talk about what happened, laugh and sigh and eventually, sooner rather than later, it’s like all the women in the city know about what went down. Not good at all.

So, apart from embarrassment, pain, loss, what else can come of this? Well, I do know what one can do in replace of – research. So many people have social media pages now, and many state if they have a partner. The only problem is that you need to be logged in to access such information, and sometimes you even need to be their ‘friend’ (bugger!). Also, some sites record who visited so one can find out who looked at their pages – when I say ‘research’, I mean discreetly – to get away with it as to not alert anyone to your planning. Have I done this? Once. Did it work? Well, it stopped me from pursuing the woman in question, and ultimately stopped me from acting the fool.

On another note, what do I think would be good? I know in Hawaii, in certain cultures women wear a flower in their hair on a certain side of their head, and depending on what side depends on their status – whether they are taken or solo, which can aid in one’s quest. It would also be good, if that one third of the women I talked about earlier, actually encompassed the entire percentage of them, which meant that all would confess their feelings whenever they wished. This however would not be so good if all the women in the world loathed your guts, but that is just the risk one would have to take.

So all in all I am assuming that nobody learnt anything from this post? Well, I know I sure didn’t learn anything I already didn’t. I began this post with no idea how to tell if a woman likes you, and I am about to leave with the exact same mind – a very empty one. I guess if you want information on this subject, either look it up on Google, or ask a woman to simply tell you the signs. They might not though, because the world of women is a secret society that few men are ever granted access to. I know I ain’t ever gonna be blessed with such a rite.

Well, that’s all for me and this post. Sorry for the lack of information folks!