It’s Amazing how your Life Changes

 

One day you are involved in doing one thing – and the next you are doing something completely different. You have changed your life’s endeavors; you have adapted and evolved to life’s unexpected twist and turns; you have lost someone close to you, whether it be a broken friendship or a break up and so are forced to alter your plans for the future. So many occurrences each year alter that which we are eventually going to become.

I remember when I was thirteen and fourteen I wanted to hang out with what some might have referred to as the ‘cool crowd.’ And they accepted me – which was pretty awesome in itself. There is always a catch though. If you feel something is too good to be true it probably is. There was no way the ‘cool’ kids would accept someone that probably wasn’t quite as ‘cool’, or who wasn’t ‘cool’ at all, and yet here they were, giving me a bone. Well, the catch in this case was that it turned out they all hated my rotten guts and would sooner step on my head if they saw me drowning rather than give me a hand up, so I quickly left their little club. Instead, I found a new group of friends that actually shared the same traits and mannerisms, views and values as I. It was a perfect fit, and still to this day is – when we have the time to communicate.

Again, when I was in primary school, due to my insatiable hunger for video games, I really wanted to become involved in graphic design and the orchestration of such entertainment. Of course, this proved to be an ineffective idea because I did not have the credentials to ever become involved in such a field. I’m no good at the terrible algebra based equations and other such ridiculous mathematical ideologies; I’m not very good at graphical design, and I’m not very good at computer programs that are ridiculously difficult to utilise.
Then in high school when I was in a band, I think all of us wanted to continue to perform on a more professional level than that which we currently resided at. However, when our band broke up for reasons that up until that very moment were completely unforeseen and unfortunately unpredictable, that dream of ours came to an immediate end.

Additionally, I was interested in pursuing a career in acting, but to become involved in a course that revolves around this career at university, one needs to acquire the highest of high grades. I did acquire a few A’s and an A+, but on average I was predominantly a B student. In 2009, according to the statistics, a good few thousand people applied for the acting course at Melbourne University (apparently one of the top ten university’s in Australia) – only two were accepted. Yes, you read that right; two out of a few thousand candidates were accepted into the course. I knew that I would never be one of them and so decided to pursue my other passion; writing.

Now, with my three year undergraduate course nearly complete, I need to decide whether I will continue on with my postgraduate course, and if so, at which institution and what variant? Or will I go out and find a place in the workforce?

Another part of life that changes exponentially are the responsibilities that are placed upon your shoulders as you grow older. When young, everything is so simple, and I really envy the children of today. You can just tell that behind those innocent (?) young eyes, not one of them has a clue for the surprise they are in for when they eventually grow up. Or maybe they will grow up too fast? Sometimes I feel that happened to me – as though I did not have enough time to be young and enjoy what life hath been given to me. What are the repercussions of failing to enjoy youth to its full? When young, you run around the house and the world outside having a gay old time. You watch TV to your heart’s content and play with random plastic figurines. As you grow up, the time that you have for fun becomes minimised as the expectations of life, including giving back to society with money, hard work and effort begin to become dominating factors in influencing the choices that one develops.

Like I said – it is amazing how your life changes. On one hand, that makes the ride that is life quite interesting. On the other hand it can be disappointing and blatantly annoying.

What do others think about what I have conjured up on this subject matter? Agree, disagree? By all means, please, your opinions are welcome!

Naughty Nefarious, signing off!

It was an Embarrassing Day!

 

This piece contains some rather strong coarse language.

Okay, let me paint u a picture – I’m 4 years old. It’s a weekday, and I am already running late for kindergarten, and I suddenly have this enormous urge to relieve my bladder. Now, bearing in mind at this point I was not exactly what you could call ‘skilled’ at aiming my projectile weapon. Quite often my payload would go everywhere but where I wanted.

I remember once when I was 7, it was a very dark night and I decided not to turn on the lights as to not wake up my parents, cuz their bedroom was next to the bathroom. I was busting, and I managed to make it to the bathroom in time – to watch my penis go absolutely crazy. I took hold of Naughty Junior, and took aim, kind of, and watched the havoc in what appeared to be slow motion – it went everywhere. On the walls. On the ceiling. On the floor. On the toilet rolls (that is what they all for, right, so that wasn’t so bad, right?). On the towels. On the mirror. Yes, it was a nightmare. In the end – not one drop managed to make it into the bowel – some of it I will admit hit the seat, but, that still counts as a ‘miss’. Like basketball – you don’t get points for hitting the rim. Cleaning it up was the worst part – at one point I miscalculated the extent of the damage and slipped on my ex-bodily liquid and skidded across the tiles and happened to slam into the cabinet. I was headed for the shower but managed to grab hold of the door and did an amazing 180 degree spin away from it – I was really impressed. Safe to say my parents awoke – and they were less than pleased.

Anyway, back to when I was 4 – judging by my brilliant history of missing every time I tried to relive my bladder, which I apparently continued for some years to come, I decided to sit down. Yes – which was as it later seemed, not the greatest of plans. So, there I am, relieving myself, when I slip – no, not off the toilet, that would have been not embarrassing at all. I slip into it. Apparently, when I sat down my arse cheeks were teetering on the edges of the inner most portion of the seat, and I just so happened to lose my balance.

So, here’s the picture; I am officially half way in. My arse is about two inches away from needing a snorkel. My feet are dangling just above the floor and I am helpless to move. So – I call for my mother, who at the time was my heroine. In she comes – and laughs at me. She doesn’t cry, which is what I was doing mind you. She doesn’t scream or yell ‘golly gosh!’. No, she nearly pisses her pants as she watches me dangle from where I am like a fish before eventually coming to my rescue – or not. She takes hold of my arms and begins to drag me out – she drags. She pulls. She pushes. She yells. She growls. She groans. She pants. She pulls. She prods. (This is beginning to sound like a regular porno). She yanks with all her might – but I won’t budge. Daddy was out at work at the time. He left every morning at five to help control Melbourne’s power. So, it was just me and mummy – who could not save me. She says she might need to get the neighbor to help yank me from the bowels of hell. Shit no! At least that is what I would have said back then if I had known such a term existed, cuz bearing in mind at the time I was innocent and sweet. It was the following year, my first day of primary school actually that I leant the words ‘fuck’ and ‘cunt’. Yes, my parents were proud they had sent their son for a higher education. NOT! Anyways, the mere mention of the neighbor’s assistance causes my inner self to empower my body to wrench myself free. I push and my mother pulls, and eventually I am saved!

That however ain’t the most embarrassing part. The local newspaper decided to make a story out of this, titled ‘toilet tries to eat stupid little prick and an arsehole’. (This part is meant to be a joke. I know, my friends didn’t laugh at this either!)

FYI – I don’t miss anymore!

Naughty Nefarious, signing off