Alone…Again

 

I began this blog so that all of the content that I did not want impeding on my other blog, I could instead store here. Tonight however I am using this blog for an entirely different reason; therapeutic.

Well, hopefully.

It’s Friday night here in Australia as I type away this particular number, and the reason why I am writing this rather than being out on the town like other stereotypical young adults is for the simple reason that I have no paramour in my life to go out with.

Yes, I have friends (actually, I’m lying – I have a best friend and I have a couple of friends overseas) and I have a family (who I get along with as often as I travel to Mars by pony), but, like I have written previously on this blog, I have this hole inside me which can be filled only by a potential love interest, and as long as it remains unfilled, I am forced to endure this feeling of intense loneliness.

Okay, full confession? I have not being in a romantic relationship since 2009. In 2012 I began to think that a relationship may be a good thing to attempt, as I have continued to think since, yet attempting to start one is proving to be immeasurably difficult.

You see, as I have (I think) mentioned on this blog previously, I suffer from depression; I have since I was 15, and I have since convinced myself that no woman could ever possibly fall in love with me, which is what makes attempting to ask a woman out so difficult. I already think a woman is going to say ‘no’ before asking her out, so I normally don’t bother.

In June of this year I asked a woman out, and I probably should not have done so. Reason: she is SO out of my league (I say ‘is’ rather than ‘was’ because I bump into her every Monday – funny – I asked her out because I thought I would never see such a beautiful woman again, and yet, now I am forced to do so!) Basically, I was pretentious to think for a second I was her type; to think she was available; to even attempt such an action.

But, amazingly enough, after I asked her out and was rejected, I did not feel so bad – true, my ego was deflated and I was disappointed, but it was not as painful as the feeling I have in my gut right now.

A young woman I met in 2011 resurfaced in my life this year, and I never began to pay her much interest until now. In August we really began to communicate, and I told her I thought it was strange that a beautiful, intelligent woman such as herself was without friends, and we talked about not affiliating with people at the university campus we attend and she later mentioned she was single when I raised the idea of a possible partner.

Like I mentioned previously – I often convince myself that women cannot love me, and the same applies here.

I contemplated asking her out last week, but this feeling of mine halted my doing so, and today I just went for it; and it turns out she began to date a man not even a week ago. If I had asked her out last Friday as planned, I might have been lucky enough to be dating her right now.

This is of course, my own damn fault.

I guess the reason why I wanted to go out with her is, yes, because I like her, but the real inspiration for my asking was for a different reason entirely. I may have written this here previously, maybe not too – full confession, right? – but I have in the past attempted suicide, and one technique that I have been using to keep my depression from completely destroying my existence is to distract my mind; as long as I am doing something; working; going to university; talking to friends or family – I am not thinking of my depression.

However, this technique of mine has been waning recently, and I at present feel as depressed as I did back in 2010, which is the last time I attempted to take my life, and was the one time when I really nearly succeeded, and if my friend had not intervened, and, with the help of her father taken me to a medical clinic, I would not be here now.

On that note, I felt that going out with this young woman would do me good; would help me with my depression and fill the hole inside my gut.

Instead, that’s not going to happen. For a long time I wanted to die. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I don’t necessarily want to die now, but this is the first time that I can remember when I am scared; I don’t know if I will be able to continue without, well, love I guess.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this, and I have.

Thank you for reading!

Oh, and I don’t think this was therapeutic at all! But I tried, right?

Advertisements

How important are looks in everyday life?

How much do looks play in everyday life?

On my blog I occasionally ask rhetorical questions such as this, and I often do enjoy some of the responses that come from them.

I ask because, well, I guess it is kind of difficult to explain without being an open book.

I am unsure if I have ever admitted to this on the blog I am writing in now, and if not, I guess this is as good a time as any; my name is Derek, and I have lived with depression since I was 15.

Why do I admit to this you may ask? Well, I doubt my mental state was at all helped by a number of my high school peers who seemed to make it their duty to ensure that my years spent undertaking secondary education would be incredibly gruesome, and being continuously abused, physically as well as mentally left a number of scars, and not just the visible ones. Being continuously told to go kill myself only furthered my suicidal behavior; being told how much I was hated only made me hate myself even more; and being told how hideous I was only caused me to loathe the way I look more than I already did.

I am naturally one of those people who has never really been truly satisfied with my looks, but I neither have the intention (or the money) to go under the knife to do anything about that. Although I was once a child model, I believe my looks began to wane at an early age, and if you direct your attention stage right, I am sure you can make your own observation on how hideous I generally am.

All of this information leads directly back to the question I asked at the beginning of this post.

Now, before I continue, I will say this; even though I was once in a five year relationship with a woman, what I know about women I could probably write on a post-it note, and what I don’t know about women could fill a series of novels that could span for generations. I am writing this because I have a theory; I believe that women care more about looks than men do.

I do not mean any offense by that, and if I have caused it, I do apologise but please, allow me to explain. Many women talk about how they care about feelings, and this argument has been made during my university classes when women are discussing the lack of realism generated by certain female characters in literature, complaining that the author did not place another emphasis on emotions experienced by these fictional women.

However, I would argue, how often do you see a beautiful woman going out with a man who is not good looking?

As an example; there was a woman I knew during my undergraduate university course, who said online and off that she was ‘not shallow’, and thus did not care how a man looked like. She said all she cared about were feelings. Now, she told me once that she liked me – I believe this was a general observation of my character. When I asked her out, she was absolutely horrified that I had come onto her and made it very clear that she did not wish to date me – why not; simple – I wasn’t good looking enough. This, dear reader, was her reason for not going out with me.

This happened a year ago, so I am very much over such an occurrence. Instead, I am attracted to someone else now, and again, this pertains to my original question.

In July I asked this woman out, she told me she was already in a relationship, and I told her I would respect her answer and have since then left her alone. Unfortunately for me she happens to be in one of my university classes and I bump into her once a week, and although I am smart (that’s debatable) enough to realise that nothing is going to happen, and on every other day I barely ever think about her, it isn’t exactly easy for me to inevitably bump into a woman that I am attracted to and have this rather awkward silence hanging over us.

You see, I didn’t exactly ask this woman out in the conventional sense – I wrote her a poem, where I wrote about how beautiful she was; how fascinating I found her to be, and how I would happily die a million deaths to buy her a coffee, among a couple of other things that may be a little too embarrassing to write here. I didn’t sign my name or anything; I concluded the piece anonymously, and said that if she wanted to know the ‘writer of this here verse’ that if she were to wait around when lunch time arrived, that I would make myself apparent.
So, she waited around; she gave me her answer; and thus, awkward moment.

Now, one of the reasons I became attracted to this woman was, well, I guess her aurora; she just naturally stood out (you know, when everyone else ceases to exist and only this one person is visible in a crowd of several dozen other people), and another would be the fact she did not seem to be very popular. She never sat with the ‘cool crowd’ and during lunch breaks I noticed she only ever hung out with one other woman, and no one else.

These were two of the reasons I was attracted to her; I am not to sure these reasons apply so much now though. Yes, I am still attracted to her, I can’t help it (and unfortunately for me, being in the same class as her has helped me realise she isn’t just beautiful, but incredibly intelligent and has a healthy sense of humor, so, damn, damn, damn!) but she seems to have deliberately changed her attitude or something to conform to the societies in the classroom. I did mention that she seemed to not hang out with the ‘cool crowd’, and originally in class she didn’t either.

You see, there is this group of about three guys and three women who are ‘the cool kids’, a term once used by a young woman who said these three words before ditching her own friends to go sit with them. In class it generally seems that everyone is lining up to kiss their arse, be their next best friends, and if that is not enough, I know for a fact that at least one of the guys has dated one of the women, if not two of them judging by the conversations I have overheard him having with some of his other friends.

Now though, the woman I am attracted to; she sits with this crowd; and hangs out with them after class.

I will note that I am in no way this woman’s keeper, and she has every right to do whatever she wishes and spend time with whoever she wants. Just because I will never be associated with the ‘cool crowd’ in no way means that she should not be.

But this again goes back to the question regrading looks, but this is not the physical sense of the word, as much as it is the visual of one’s character. This certain young woman (I do know her name FYI, I am just refusing to use it in this post as to not further embarrass myself!) has obviously decided that she would rather look ‘cool’ than look like a loner (like me!) and although I respect her decision, it certainly means that if she were to break up with her current partner, that I have absolutely no chance of ever being with her since those associated with the popular crowd never lower themselves to interact with those beneath them.

Continuing on with the notion of if she were to break up with her current partner, would she remember that I am attracted to her and alert me to the fact that her relationship status has changed when she is ready to begin dating again? Or will she not give a damn and go out with either someone associated with the crowd she now associates herself with, or with someone more attractive than I am?

I realise it is not healthy to like someone who is unattainable. However, I find it difficult to move on when I am going to keep bumping into this woman until the start of November. Once this month comes around the chance I will see her again is minimal, and then I will probably be able to resume my life as usual. Until then, I am cursed to see this woman.

So again, I ask the question, how important are looks in everyday life?

I don’t necessarily need any answers, but anyone who wishes to contribute to this post, feel welcome to write your thoughts into the comments section below.

Thank you for reading dear reader and I hope you have a pleasant day.

If you are broke, do you have the right to ask someone out on a date?

In the past on this blog I have asked two questions regarding relationships, including ‘do guys date women who remind them of their mothers’ after reading an article on the subject and feeling a little queasy at the thought, to asking ‘do women date guys who wear glasses’, which was more of a rhetorical question, but I was glad for the feedback generated by it.

Today I am asking another question, and as suggested by the title, it is as follows: if you are broke, or are not economically comfortable, do you have the right to ask someone out?

Over the course of this post I am going to be talking about a man asking a woman out, however, the same argument can be made for anyone of any gender in any relationship.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m broke, don’t get me wrong. Of course, I wouldn’t openly admit to such an embarrassing notion even if I was. At the moment I have the money to sustain myself and acquire the necessities (food, etc) and can acquire entertainment on an occasional basis, however, if I were in a relationship, I have no evidential proof of how long I would be able to afford to go out with a woman before I inevitably ran out of money to date her, let alone support my own existence.

I think it is an obvious connotation, that if a guy asks a woman out, then he is expected to pay for, well, a lot, and I will not argue against this assumption. If you are asking someone out, you are asking for their time and their commitment and so you should fork out the money to enjoy their company. You are asking them to accompany you to places and to spend time with your friends. If you were not a part of their life they would be spending their time doing other things, and so, if you ask me, the man should put up most, if not all the money for the time that he is lucky to be spending with a living, breathing human being that they like.

However, if you do not have the money to accommodate for this, then I am unsure whether the man has the right to even ask the woman that he fancies out. I believe it would be plain rude for a man to ask for a woman to spend her time with him, only to say after a decent night’s meal at a fancy restaurant ‘oh, I don’t think I can entirely afford this, do you mind paying for half the bill?’
A woman may have agreed to go out with the man, but I cannot imagine her ever agreeing to pay for the meal that the man wanted her to have with him, nor would I even want her to. Maybe I’m strange, but I feel a man would have quite the nerve to ever do that to a woman. I’m not saying a woman could not afford it, not at all; I’m saying that she probaly would not have attended this restaurant if the man had not asked her there, so why ask this certain lady to put her hard earned cash into the equation when it was the man who asked her to be there in the first place?

Adjunctively, what if a woman left her former partner to have a relationship with a man who had recently captivated her attention, only to discover that he was not as economically stable as the partner she recently left? Would she not feel horribly cheated?

The reason I am asking these questions right now is as follows – if a man does not believe he can afford to take a woman out for the period of longevity that he would like the relationship to last, should he simply not bother to ask a woman out at all?
This may seem like an easy decision to make when written on paper, or in this case, a blog, but I would argue against that therom.

I believe that as soon as we humans in general agree to have a romantic relationship with another person, that we give up the ignorance we were originally born with, that ‘ignorance’ being our unknowing of how it feels to be in love. The moment we welcome someone into our heart, I believe that we become accustomed to that feeling, and thus, cannot live without it. I’m not saying that dating is like oxygen, and is thus a mandatory part of life, but I am arguing that if that first person we date were to leave us, it leaves a hole, and every time anyone leaves from that moment on, the hole returns.
Before dating we had no idea of the pain felt when someone leaves. We also had no idea of the loneliness felt when we do not have a paramour in our lives. True, if a person has friends and family they are not essentially ‘alone’ per se, but there is a difference between the hole left from not having family, and the hole left from not having a love interest.

I can’t really believe I am going to admit to this (however I will because it will strengthen my argument), but I myself have not been in a relationship for over a couple of years, and I can assure you dear reader if you do not already know, that what I noted in the previous paragraph is true, at least for me. Although I have friends and family, they cannot fill the hole that is now meant for a paramour, and it does become quite brutal every so often when I realise how many a night is the same – dinner for one, dessert for one, wine for twelve (maybe I’m kidding about the wine, or am I?).
It would just be nice to have someone in my life that I could love because, well, isn’t it nice to love someone and to be loved back? I’m sure there is not a single person out there who will disagree.

Now, unless I’m destined to spend the rest of my existence alone, and I would hate for that to come to fruition, I would like to think there is still hope for me, which comes all the way back to my original question – do I have the right to ask a woman I like out if I cannot fathom I will be able to always afford the ability to take her out?
Of course, there is more to dating than going to fancy restaurants, clubs and theaters, and I am sure continuously having a woman over at my place for dinner, or cooking at hers; or making every date night a movie night, will inevitably become quite boring.
Besides, if you like someone, there is the expectation that one must shower them with gifts every so often. The argument ‘I will always love you’ in my opinion has not been enough for some time, and unless you can show a woman your affection through jewellery, clothes and other like accessories, I do not think that the four letter word in the three word sentence will always remain believable.

On this note, image is just as important as affection, which is often where economics comes into this, for money does pertain to a person’s lifestyle. Now, I am not an expert on women (who is?), but I think it is a fact (and if it’s not then I beg the forgiveness of every woman on the planet) that women like men who are: good looking, older than they are, mature, confident, economically comfortable and suitable to the lifestyle the woman enjoys, have their own place of accommodation (basically, they are not a kipper and still sleep over at mum’s house when they are nearly thirty years of age), own a car of their own (and can drive it, although I think ownership usually implies driving capability), are in a professional occupation, and on top of that, have the ability to keep a job for a period of longevity.

Although I can admit to having some of these qualities, I would be lying if I did not openly admit that all of these do not necessarily describe the man I am today. Again, this leads to the question, do I have the right to ask a woman out if I am not economically stable?

Additionally, does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he is still in is twenties and lives with his parents?
Does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he does not own a car?
Does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he is not incredibly popular and really good looking?

I’m not saying those three above questions pertain to me, but they do fall into the same category as the primary question that I had begun this post with. I think I am getting ahead of myself here, but I do believe all of these questions can be asked.

Now, perhaps these ideologies are simply those generated by a mind that is lacking confidence in the area of dating? Maybe so, but the fact remains the same that money is unequivocally an important factor in a relationship. According to research statistics recovered online, it costs between 2-4 thousand dollars a year to maintain a stereotypical relationship, and if one does not believe they can afford this kind of money, should he attempt to orchestrate a relationship with a woman in the first place?

I realise I keep asking the same question time and time again, and that will be the last time I do so.
This here is just my opinion. Any other opinions on the subject will be very welcome in the comments section below.

Thank you for reading, and I bid all of you a good day.

Haddaway don’t wanna be hurt no more – funnily enough, neither do I…Valentine’s Day: Is it a Gift; a Curse, or an Unnecessary Risk

 

Quintessentially, Valentine’s Day is an annually celebrated occasion about the discovery and celebration of love. The occasion however leaves no room for any alternate conceptions on the subject of romance. Please, allow me to explain…There are many notions on how there is somebody out there for each of us. There is another idea which dictates for every person is seven possible paramours, and you simply need to find one of them for eternal happiness. To believe in such romantic ideologies however, one must then acknowledge the opposite believe. This is the same for religion – if one believes in a Heavenly paradise awaiting us on the other side, then a fiery Hell must additionally be something that an individual with religiously spiritual views believes in. What I mean is – if one believes there is someone out there for everyone, then they must also believe that some people are simply destined to be alone. Valentine’s Day however does not leave room for such a belief, and for those who are destined to make their way through life without anyone by their side, Valentine’s Day makes that eternal suffering all the more difficult to live through.

I have always wondered why Valentine’s Day is such an important occurrence which takes place annually in our society. Christmas, Easter – these are primarily religiously oriented occurrences and so it makes sense that these would be celebrated. Birthday’s too are a celebrative occurrence which annually recognises one’s birth into this world. Anniversaries of partners and married couples I also believe have merit because this is a personal interaction between two people who love each other and are celebrating yet another year together. Remembrance Days additionally enable us the time to remember those who died patriotically to defend our shores, and although those who personally lost loved ones remember daily, those that have not lost relatives to the wars sometimes take their liberties for granted, and these specific days remind them of the tremendous sacrifice it takes to protect a country from barbarity.

Which of course brings me to Valentine’s Day. Now I am no zealous monster who has purposely singled out Valentine’s Day because I am waging a personal vendetta against love, and I am not doing so because I had a bad experience on such a ‘romantic’ occasion. I am doing so for the sole reason because I believe it is actually a little, how do I phrase this, ah, yes – pointless.

To be perfectly honest, not once have I ever had a Valentine; nor have I ever been someone’s Valentine. Reading this post, perhaps you will develop your own reasons as to why. Whenever I have been involved with a certain young woman during any Valentine’s Day, we have simply proceeded as though it is just an ordinary day. True, I have always insisted on taking my partner at the time to a fanciful restaurant or something of reminiscent beauty, but I’ve never made a big deal out of it like some other people do.

Now, perhaps you think I’m a hypocrite – I say I don’t make a big deal out of Valentine’s Day – yet in the past I’ve taken my then partners out to dinner – does that not mean I am acknowledging the event? Well, I fear if I had not taken my then partners out, that they may have become my ex-partners sooner rather than later due to my inability to do such a thing, whilst all of their friends spent the day been pampered by their lovers. Basically, I would do so to keep the woman who had stolen my heart happy, unlike others who simply go outrageously over the top.

Which brings me to the reason as to why I write this post.

Why have Valentine’s Day? I have asked this before, but really, why? Think about it; you love somebody with all of your heart – why do you need one day of the year to tell them; to show them how much they mean to you. Do you not convey to them that they mean the whole world to you all the other 364 days of the year (365 in a Leap year)?

Why would you wait for that one occasion to be tragically romantic? Why wait for that one day to buy your lover a huge bouquet of flowers? A big box of chocolates? A card outlining your undying feelings? A poem about a romance everlasting? A night at a luxurious restaurant?

If you really love somebody, do you not show them on a daily basis how much they mean to you? Are you expected to show them how much you love them on Valentine’s Day, and every other day of the year simply pretend they do not exist?

Why do people need an excuse to be genuinely romantic, which is what Valentine’s Day is – a reason to not be afraid to show your feelings. Is that not an insult – is not Valentine’s Day making the implication that people in general are too frightened of commitment and romance that we all need a twenty four hour window to be stupid in love? Why can’t we be like that any day? Every day? In fact, aren’t we?

So, what makes Valentine’s Day so special? We still love the people we fell for just as much as we do on every other occasion. Our feelings do not miraculously change overnight, do they? We do not become any more romantic, but we certainly do not become any less.

Negatively speaking, for those of us come Valentine’s Day who are either single, just making our way out from a bad break-up, have not had a partner in a few years or who have as much chance of having a ‘Valentine’ as they do of ever going to the planet Jupiter, Valentine’s Day is nothing more than an unnecessary in your face reminder that we are hopelessly alone. As we watch those who are happily enjoying the occasion with the one’s they love, we are again reminded that we do not have the opportunity to present anyone with such affection, and we are moreover reminded that there is nobody out there who at that very moment romantically cares about us.

What is your opinion?

Am I simply an angry young man who should shut up, get laid, and quit writing annoying posts like this?

Am I partially right, but at the same time wrong, and Valentine’s Day is actually a special occasion because people in fact do need an excuse to be stupid and foolhardy in love?

Am I so amazingly correct that I should be granted a Pulitzer for what I have written here?

Or is there something else that you might like to add?

By all means, have your say – or don’t, entirely your prerogative.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day. I may not be its biggest fan, but I am in no way suggesting that others should simply not bother acknowledging it on my account.

Have a great day!

As black as night & as sweet as true beauty

 

I had not planned on writing another post for a couple more days (because I am at the moment editing a 212 page manuscript, sigh!), but it seems that I have been called out from my temporary hiatus.

A fellow blogger, Miss. Zen Scribbles (whose blog can be found at this here link: http://zenscribbles.wordpress.com/) requested a few of her happy followers to answer some caffeinated questions if they wished. At the very mention of ‘coffee’ my mind was immediately made up, and before I knew it I had a late night cup of coffee in my hands and my fingers flying across the keyboard as I attempted to do justice to such interesting questions.

The questions that Miss. Zen Scribbles answered can be found at the following link: http://zenscribbles.wordpress.com/2013/01/06/would-you-like-coffee-with-your-sugar/

Thank you ma’am for allowing me the opportunity to take part!

Right, now, on with the questions!

1: How many cups of coffee per day do you drink?

Between two and three. On occasion I have begun my mornings with coffee, but I usually prefer a cold drink in the morning. I especially enjoy coffee at midday and night.

2: What is your favorite caffeine delivery system?

I will have to say that I would prefer to take my coffee orally. What? Not serious enough? Oh, alright…I prefer coffee in a cup – hot, black, often without sugar because that can sometimes dilute the flavor.
I was a huge Riva Coffee drinker, and I was incredibly disappointed two years ago to find that the product was no longer in vogue. I am down to my last bottle now. I have recently discovered a Colombian brand which is not bad, but I often find that many brands of coffee are quite disappointing because they fail to accurately capture the richness of the flavor. Coffee is meant to be a seductress that awakens you from your slumber – not an intolerable tall drink of water incapable of awakening your soul.

3: What was your best cup of coffee?

Hmmm…I don’t have one favorite, but three…
One: as previously mentioned, I love Riva, so any cup of Riva is a good choice.
Two: cappuccino in Watergradens Town Centre, outside Target – great little place I used to drink at there. Should return there some day.
Three: Ice Coffee recipe I conceived on my own, but I’m sure other people can come up with such a recipe:
Instructions:
-first off, find a tall glass – yes, glass. Not a cup. Reminds me of Lygon Street over in the city – they always use glasses rather than cups over there, and using a glass makes me feel like I am walking down the great restaurant based suburb.
-throw in four teaspoons of coffee and either an equal amount of sugar, or two spoons – user discretion
-fill a third of the glass with hot water – stir
-fill the next two quarters of the cup with milk – does not matter which variety, light, full cream, etc. Stir again.
-now, take out that container of vanilla ice cream from the fridge and throw a few spoons on top
-done!

4: What was your worst cup of coffee?

Easy – I experienced this particular brew in November. My boss at the time purchased me a coffee at Queen Victoria Market from a Turkish restaurant – WORST CUP OF COFFEE EVER! I did drink the entire thing though, but I did warn my fellow employees that the chance of me falling onto my back with my arms  and legs in the air was incredibly high. The sickly after taste of such an awful cup remained with me for an unbelievably long period of time after that. To make it worse, later that night I had a glass of the most sour wine imaginable.

5: What does your favorite mug say?

I have four: One has the image of a panting dog on the side. Another says ‘boss’. Another has the word ‘Gangst@’ written across the side. The last is an Easter based mug and has the words ‘some bunny loves you’ upon it.

6: How do you take your coffee?

I think I previously mentioned this – hot, black, and preferably from a well known and very reliable brand.

7: When did you have your first cup?

When I was eight. A girl I knew at the time said she enjoyed having tea, so I tried that, and the following week I had a go at coffee – instant attraction. There was never a love story quite like Naughty Nefarious and his coffee.

8: Have you ever gone on a coffee date?

On a few occasions actually. I have gone with family, friends and work colleagues. Some very pleasant conversations I have experienced over the past few years have been over coffee.

Now, I am going to tag a few people to undertake this quiz as well. Here goes…

http://allworldissues.com/

http://courtingmadness.wordpress.com/

http://ourconsciousness.wordpress.com/

http://prinsesamusang.wordpress.com/

http://stuffitellmysister.me/

If you wish to undertake the coffee quiz, then by all means. Additionally, if I didn’t tag you and you wish to take the quiz, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to do so…

Cheers!

My Christmas Post

 

I’m not religious – nor am I truly into the whole Christmas spirit. With that said however, that does not mean that I do not celebrate such an event. Just because I no longer put up a beautiful sparkling tree and other decorations about my residence does not mean that I do not choose to celebrate such an event. I mean, Christmas? It’s an excuse to be a spend thrift. For some reason I often acquire more pleasure from buying gifts for others than I do from buying presents for myself. Additionally, the act of acquiring gifts is quite fun for often you are given presents that you may not purchase yourself due to a potentially excessive price. Then there is the excuse to eat something quite deliciously bad for your health, and the additional excuse to consume large amounts of alcohol. Long story short – it is in my best interest to celebrate such an event even if my Christmas spirit has, over the past few years, dwindled.

I think Christmas is mainly for the children. Personally, I believe that I am too adult and mature to fully appreciate what Christmas once meant for me when I was a child. It was so exciting to such an extent that on several occasions I was unable to eat my own breakfast because of the anxiety I felt in regards to imagining what gifts I would receive that day. Now that I have experienced this same event a good number of times, I basically know what is going to happen because I have enjoyed it before, and even though it is Christmas, it is still repetitive.

I do however believe that Christmas is about spending time with family and friends, and thanking them for being a part of your life by showering them with gifts. This year I spent Christmas with family; namely my mum and dad. In the past I have had friends and even prior partners that I have enjoyed the event with, but this year – not so much.

That however does not make the act of receiving gifts any less enjoyable.

My pile of presents

My pile of presents

My mother's presents that I purchased for her

My mother’s presents that I purchased for her

...and the gifts I bought my father. If you can't alreday tekll - that gold parcel - real bastard to wrap that thing was

…and the gifts I bought my father. If you can’t already tell – that gold parcel – real bastard to wrap that thing was

In my view, the act of wrapping up the presents that you buy is as important as purchasing them. This opinion is one that I have always held. In my view, wrapping up a present is an act of love, for you are taking time out from your busy schedule to wrap that which will most likely not want to be wrapped, and will no doubt fight you tooth and nail to not be tucked away beneath an endless amount of wrapping paper. However, over the past couple of years I have noticed many individuals making their way to stalls within supermarkets to have their presents wrapped for them by others. In my opinion, this contradicts an essential part of what Christmas stands for. Do you have an opinion on this?

As I mentioned earlier in this post, Christmas is an excuse to indulge in that which you normally wouldn’t. Safe to say my exercise routine has been severely compromised from such a feast.

yummy?

yummy?

...on closer inspection. And yes, I made Christmas dinner this year. Also, that gravey - probably has more calories than the entire meal combined

…on closer inspection. And yes, I made Christmas dinner this year. Also, that gravy – probably has more calories than the entire meal combined

Dessert - the Pavlova.

Dessert – the Pavlova.

I really love my cappuccino

I really love my cappuccino

After dinner, I was as stuffed as this guy. I kid you not - I looked like the side of a house

After dinner, I was as stuffed as this guy. I kid you not – I looked like the side of a house

I know that many cooks often hate that which they make (or so I have been told) but I have to say I think I did a not half bad job. On the plus side my mother was glad to be out of the kitchen, for Christmas dinner is often a long drawn out process.

One thing I have always enjoyed, although I cannot entirely explain why, are the bon bons. This year however, they were surprisingly worse than usual. Only two of them contained jokes, so I was ripped off on four separate occasions (not that the jokes are ever really funny – I mean ‘why did the germ move across the microscope? To get to the other side!’ – that ain’t even Christmasy. Nor it is funny). You may have noticed a bottle opener in one of my above photos – yeah – you just know where that came from. If it can actually open a bottle, I would be deeply surprised.

On another note, the favourite gift I received for Christmas this year would have to be the Halo 4 Original Soundtrack, along with the additional six songs that I downloaded online. True, a soundtrack may not sound very impressive, but after playing the game a couple times over I had come to really appreciate the musical genius of the entertaining piece.

My second most favourite present would have to be Castle, seasons three and four. For reasons I cannot explain this series is always ridiculously expensive, so to have these two seasons purchased for me, is a relaxing weight off my shoulders.

The third favourite gift I received this year was a new Samsung mobile – a GT-C3520 Clam Shell. I realise that a phone in the eyes of many others would potentially be the most prized present received, but for me, it is simply a communicative device – nothing more. Additionally, I realise that Smart Phones are incredibly popular these days, but never have I come to truly appreciate them. I know they are capable of a wide variety of different things, but really – I find them a waste. True – you can watch films, surf the net, read and write documents, play music and do a whole manner of other things from playing games to no doubt eliminating Sunday drivers. In my opinion though, if you want to watch a film – buy a BluRay player. You want to read a book; buy a Kindle or other like device, or go out there and physically buy a living breathing book. Not that books live and breathe – that would be scary. If you want to surf the net or type a document – use a laptop. What happened to the days when phones were used to talk to people from long distances, or am I just old fashioned? But that’s my opinion, so please excuse my semi-rant for a moment there.

Lastly, I did enjoy my Christmas this year, and I hope everyone else did too.

Did you enjoy your Christmas this year? Did you see this holiday as an excuse to pig out? What are your thoughts and feelings about this annual holiday celebration?

Cheers!

Who is this ‘the one’ the Backstreet Boys spoke of?

 

I am certain that everyone is familiar with the term ‘the one’.

Now, I must warn you all before proceeding; I may begin to rant and rave on a bit here. You have being officially warned!

For those who believe in love at first sight, I would presume that they find ‘the one’ they have been looking for incredibly easily.

But what about those who do not believe the concept of falling for someone the moment you see them? Yes, I am talking about those who believe in falling in love over a period of time as they become acquainted with the certain someone in their life.

Now, for argument’s sake, let’s assume the next portion of this post is purely hypothetical.

Say there is this woman; a woman who is single.

She says that she likes to go out with her friends because she believes there is the chance she might bump into ‘the one’.

She likes to go out to bars and nightclubs and new restaurants and other such establishments in the hope of ‘reeling in’ ‘the one’.

She says that she is very curious to know when she is going to fall in love.

She says she has this list of qualities that her dream man must have, which include been skilled in mechanics, plumbing, carpentry, electronics, cooking and child care. If not, then her dream man will over time acquire these skills so the two of them may have a life together.

She says she does not care about the physical appearance of her dream man.

She also says that she does not believe in love at first sight, like I explained earlier, and that she believes in falling in love over a period of time.

Now, hypothetically, how does she know who ‘the one’ is?

Hypothetically also, let’s say there is this guy who has displayed interest in her. How is he not ‘the one’ for her, when she has these requirements? Is this not contradictory?

This man, he has confessed that he loves her; that he would do anything for her; that he will go to any length for her; be anything for her. He has been completely honest, open and truthful about his feelings. He has even provided her with a number of gifts.

How is he not ‘the one’?

Is it possible to fail – at being human?

 

You can fail a math’s test. You can fail to acquire an internship position. You can fail to successfully complete a project to adequate standards. But is it possible to fail at being a living, breathing human being?

What makes a human being who they are? Okay, would you consider a person born with a head and a torso, but no legs and no arms a human? They can do everything a human can, with the exception of using the appendages that they do not have. Is this specific person a human? Yes, in my opinion; this shows that physicality does not alter one’s humanity.

That would leave the psychology of humanity.

Tell me, when you see on the news acts of intense violence; unspeakable slaughter and genocidal actions; civil and international war; unspeakably heinous evil; the people who are involved in instigating these actions, do you think ‘this is not what humans are meant to do – they are absolutely terrible at being human’, or do you think ‘that is what humans are supposed to do, and therefore, my inability to commit such acts of violence proves I am incompetent at being human’?

Additionally, if you see people that you know injuring others either verbally or through physical abuse, do you think that they are failing to be human, or do you think that you are for not being involved?

Now, maybe someone could simply say that such an argument revolves around human decency and the idea that some people are generally good and others are not, and it is all a matter of choice.

I am making an alternative argument. I am saying, what if, hypothetically, to be human means that you need to be violent – that such is a mandatory requirement, a fixture of our genetic structure – that it is our destiny and we cannot escape from it – none of us can. What if humanity is supposed to naturally be a race of violent zealots?

What if those who are causing horrific acts of violence; those who do bad onto others; those who hate, loathe and incite rage; what if these people are not the monsters? What if the people who do not commit these acts; the people who do not harm, abuse and bully; what if these people are the freaks; the incompetent delinquents; the monsters of society?

Would it be too hard to imagine? War, after war, after war, after confrontation, after confrontation, after confrontation; it seems that one group of people on the planet win a tremendous battle, and the next day another, far more violent confrontation has sprung up to take its place.

Moreover, how many times have you thought you knew a person; you befriended them, talked with them, worked with them, helped them, and they in turn returned these favors and worked and talked with you? How many times has something happened, something nefarious, and all of a sudden, this person you thought you knew is no longer perceived in a positive light, but you see them as a horrible individual? They have made a mockery of you; they are tormenting you; they suddenly loathe you.

Was this occurrence inevitable? Were they always this person underneath what could have been a deceitful façade all this time? Or was it you who triggered this by wronging them? But if this was a surprise occurrence, then technically, it would not have been you who caused this, right? So, how could this have come to fruition?

One could argue that society has laws which state that those who enact acts of violence will be punished for their offences? But how often do you see these offences going unpunished? How often do you see those who are supposed to protect society and uphold the law doing quite the opposite? How often do you see people harming others in comparison to people helping others?

Why is it that violence is often inevitably the first action to be taken, rather than the hope for a peaceful resolution with formalised discussion?

Why is it that a person can commit the most heinous acts imaginable, and then be so easily forgiven by their God with but a few prayers and words?

Why is it that when most people become drunk and intoxicated they do not suddenly begin acting so nice and caringly, but so violent and aggressively?

Why is it that children as young as five are carrying knives and are becoming involved in acts of horrific evil, like stabbing another child?

Why is it that on the news, you are quite often no longer shocked to hear of a suicide bomber killing several dozen people; no longer shocked to hear a warlord is on a genocidal rampage; no longer shocked to hear a husband beat his wife to death and killed his children; no longer shocked to hear a young man went on a rampage in the city, murdering and raping women; no longer shocked to hear that a person was murdered and the person who killed him or her did so without a reason?

Why is it that the news is often filled with acts of evil rather than acts of kindness?

Why is it that random acts of violence are filmed on smart phones, uploaded to the internet not five minutes later, and after an hour are suddenly the most popular videos online?

Why is it that on occasion, doing the right thing can seem so wrong, yet doing the wrong thing can feel more right than any other option?

Why is it that sometimes sorrow, pain, anger, animosity and heart ache come as easily as breathing, whilst happiness seems so incredibly difficult?

On that note, I have one final question;

When can somebody honestly say without a doubt in their mind ‘I am not very good at being human’?

Hey Ma, I’m a Liebster Blogger!

 

Hello All!

(There are two curse words in this piece, but they are used in a positive light, FYI, if that makes the abuse of obscene language any more appropriate and less foul)

It would seem that I have received yet another nomination from one of my very pleasant followers. This time, the person who was kind enough to grace me with an award was none other than Elaine, who you can find on her blog here;

http://ourconsciousness.wordpress.com/2012/09/16/that-time/

My nomination? For the Liebster Blogger Award

Liebster Blogger Award

The Liebster Blogger Award

Now, what is that I hear you ask? Well, I know I asked because I had never heard of it, and so here is a quick rundown. The Liebster Blogger Award is provided to those who have less than 200 followers.

If you receive this award, you are expected to post 11 random facts about yourself in answer to the 11 questions provided by the person who nominated you. Then you come up with your own 11 questions and pass the award to 11 other bloggers with less than 200 followers and make absolutely certain to tell them of the amazing nomination!

Elaine asked 11 questions, which makes sense because the award calls for 11 questions to be asked. They are, as follows, along with my answers;

How do you deal with stress?

I will often try to entertain myself with either a film or a video game. I may exercise by running or doing sit ups/pushups. I might listen to music, write a poem about the way I am feeling or go bash up my punching bag.

What’s your favorite curse word? Explain.

Wow! The ability to swear for no reason! This may have to be the best question I have been asked, ever! My all time favorite profanity is ‘cunt’. Can I say that again? Cunt! Yay!
Why? Well, for starters, it is quite possibly one of the supposed worst swear words in the entire English language, so it is great way to show how angry you are, or even insult someone you absolutely loathe.
Two, I think it is great way to describe many of the people who annoy me.
Three, it feels pretty darn great in my opinion to use this expletive, because it can seem so harmless in one sentence, yet so horrid in the next. Some other curse words don’t have such a unique way about them.
Additionally, maybe there is some hidden subconscious reason buried beneath all of this…maybe I have an infatuation with the female genitalia. I wouldn’t be surprised.

What do you like to do in your spare time?

I am massive video gamer, my favorite platform been the XBOX 360.
I also really enjoy exercising. Unfortunately for me I have the body of a reader, so I’m naturally skinny and it takes a while to put on muscle, but after working out for 11 years you would imagine that something good has come from it.
I also enjoy blogging, hence the reason I am here.
Adjunctively, I have a passion for writing novels, screen stories, prose and poetry, and if you don’t already know, you can find my prose and poetry blog at this here link;

http://totalovrdose.wordpress.com/

It would seem I also have a thing for becoming attracted to women who are way out of my league, as you might know if you have frequented this blog since its orchestration. Whether or not that is considered a hobby to do in my spare time, I have no idea.
I have one other thing I seem to enjoy doing in my spare time, but I spoke to my good friend Mrs. Palmer, and she and her five daughters told me they wanted to have nothing to do with this post, and so I will respect their wishes by not outlining this other occurrence.

What’s the book you’re currently reading? (Or the last one you read if you haven’t started with a new one yet)

The last time I read for fun was back in 2005; it was Shadows by John Saul. The last books I read were Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Star Wars Galaxy of Fear the Nightmare Machine and Freddy Krueger’s Tales of Terror Deadly Disguise, all of which were read for a university assignment regarding dreams in literature.
As for the last book I read in general; that would have been the Darksiders 2 Strategy Guide, and before that, the latest Game Informer magazine.

Your favorite poet(s)?

-William Shakespeare (who could not enjoy Shakespeare’s love sonnets?), John Donne (the Flea, and his many other poems about lustful romantic endeavours) and Alfred Tennyson (Ulysses, one of my favourite pieces by Tennyson)

What’s the worst place you’ve ever been to?

Perhaps my high school, as outlined in a previous post.
However, I would also note that another terrible place I’ve been is that awkward moment when something horribly unexpected happens – like when the woman you have a massive crush on rips out your heart, tosses it to the ground and squishes it beneath her boot, laughing like a deranged heart wrenching lunatic all the while as she does so.

What’s your dream vacation?

Anywhere with the woman of my dreams. I have two of them in fact, and they both know who they are. The first of these two women who falls for me and decides to go vacationing with me – wherever that may be – that will be my dream vacation.

Do you have tattoos? If you don’t, would you like to get tattooed?

No, I don’t – but I have the intention of obtaining a few of them over the next couple years. My back and arms are going to be covered I tell you – unless I wimp out from the pain.

What was going on in your life one year ago?

One year ago? Today is September 17th (the day I’m writing this part of the post), so September 17th 2011 I was…at University, studying a course in communication, majoring in professional writing, and been a Monday I would have had the day off! However, to be more open about what was happening – yes, university, I at the time was in-between jobs and was attempting to ask one of the women of my dreams out – and she kept refusing. Wasn’t even asking her on a date! Dang!

What makes your heart flutter?

Simple – the women of my dreams. Additionally women with tattoos or piercings make my heart flutter as well. Ironically enough, both women who have captivated me are without tattoos or piercings. Hmmm…

Your favorite blog(s)?

Well, I am going to nominate 11 of my favorite blogs for you – that should hopefully be answer enough. As for the others – they would be located on the two other occasions that I have been lucky enough to acquire nominations for my blogs and develop posts about them.
Such information can be found at these additional links;

https://stationdeva.wordpress.com/2012/08/18/an-inspirational-kind-of-day/

http://totalovrdose.wordpress.com/2012/08/16/a-versatile-blogger-me-really-apparently-so/

And adjunctively at this link:

https://stationdeva.wordpress.com/2012/06/11/poetry-discussion/

Now, for the eleven bloggers that I nominate for this prestigious award…(in alphabetical order)

http://allworldissues.com/ – a young South Australian woman who blogs about issues concerning people great and small across the world

http://daunaeasley.com/ – a teacher who blogs about amazing teaching conceptions and ideologies concerning school

http://insidekatesmind.wordpress.com/ – self explanatory – inside the mind of Kate!

http://justonemonkeytyping.wordpress.com/ – young teenager who sounds more mature and intelligent than me and my entire generation combined

http://larrysmusings.wordpress.com/ – sometimes controversial, sometimes humorous, sometimes emotional but always powerfully true posts about life, world issues, events, economics, and almost everything else

http://ljoysharkey.wordpress.com/ – I’m not going to say from fear of been racist. Humour, life, love, culture, waitressing

http://mittenskittens.wordpress.com/ – a young Australian woman who discusses writing, life, and, according to speculation in her last post, might in fact be a clown murderer

http://nelsville.wordpress.com/ – a gorgeous young artist and poet. I recommend you avoid this blog at all costs because this young lady is dangerously addictive

http://playstationkw.wordpress.com/ – if you like video games then this is your one stop shop for amazing posts about them!

http://writetofree.wordpress.com/ – enjoy writing? A menagerie of different themes and genres can be found here

http://yanaamari.wordpress.com/ – adorable writing that is sometimes funny and sometimes makes no sense, but will always times infinity keep your attention.

Here are the eleven questions that I would like for these eleven bloggers to answer!

One: This was such an awesome question in my opinion from Elaine, so I will gladly provide it all to you guys; what is your favourite curse word?

Two: Do you at present drive your own vehicle or do you use public transport?

Three: What is your favourite vegetable?

Four: What is your favourite HUGE word? (For instance, doppelganger, promulgate, etc)

Five: What would be your ideal date?

Six: Who is your favourite poet? If you don’t like poetry (sigh, but some people don’t), then who is your favourite fiction writer?

Seven: What is your favourite film genre?

Eight: How often do you use the internet, especially social media? If daily, how many hours do you spend on there?

Nine: Sharks – do you like these gorgeous creatures of the deep, do you dislike them, or are you scared to death of them?

Ten: If you can remember, and you are willing to share, which is the strangest dream you have ever had?

Eleven: Lucky Last (drum roll please, no, not like that, yeah, that’s it – really need to fire that guy) Do you believe in any of the following; astrology, luck, destiny, fate? Care to explain?

Well, there you have it! Thank you for reading!

Again, thank you to Elaine for the award, and congratulations to all those I have nominated. If you have more than 200 followers, well, that’s my bad. I don’t even know how many followers I have, so in my defence, how am I expected to know exactly how many you amazing bloggers have?

Cheers!