Freelance Editor, Writer and Poet for Hire

That’s right guys!

Looks like it is time for some shameless self promotion.

On my other blog I have recently uploaded my online resume, which includes my educational and professional history. This can be found at the link towards the end of this post.

Freelance Editor, Writer and Poet for hirePhoto-0012








For the past couple of years I have on occasion participated in part time freelance work, and thought it a good idea to advertise on my blog.

I have been educated in and professionally involved with proofing, copy-editing and structural-editing, and I am further known for being a notorious grammar Nazi. Moreover, I am an online journalist, and have written articles for the Australian Business Information Service and Ausgamers, and I have additionally had poetry published both online, and in textual anthologies.

If you ever wish to have a potentially alright editor, writer or poet consult with you or your company, do not hesitate to contact me at the following link:

If interested, upon visiting the site, please follow the prompts!

I am perfectly amenable to negotiating a fee, and have on occasion worked Pro Bono, however I do appreciate economical compensation.

Thank you for reading!


New Opportunities Available with Good Morning Bedtime Story

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. I hope your New Years Celebrations were great. Sorry that I have been incognito for the past few weeks. On that note, I thought I would kick the New Year off by discussing opportunities with an online company I am associated with.

Good Morning Bedtime Story, an international online organization dedicated to building an awareness of mental health through writing, poetry, art and music has a number of new prospects that are coming alive in 2014.

The first is the announcement of a forum, where people will be able to discuss issues they are having whilst dealing with their mental illness, talk about their survival stories and offer advice to others who are suffering. We hope it will become an area of the internet where those suffering depression, bipolar, schizophrenia or any other form of mental illness will be able to congregate and safely discuss their lives, challenges and feelings.

Additionally on the forum, emerging artists will be able to showcase aspects of their artistic creations and acquire feedback in order to help become published. This will assist artists with becoming creative contributors in Good Morning Bedtime Story (GMBS) anthologies.

To help manage the forum, GMBS will require moderators to look at the conversations taking place to ensure that none begin to show racism, hatred, derogatory comments or excessive violence.

Moreover, GMBS still has a number of openings available for volunteers. Jobs will include updating social media pages; posting calls for submissions to anthologies; marketing any new ventures the organization is undertaking, and creating ideas to advantageously benefit the organizational cause.

GMBS is always open for online submissions, which will be posted on the website. Volunteers too are able to contribute with submissions, and those who volunteer their services have the opportunity to receive a recommendation for their resume.

If anyone is interested in becoming involved with GMBS, you can e-mail them at:

In the e-mail, explain why mental health matters to you, what ideas you have to help further promote the organization, and also outline whether you are interested in working as a forum moderator. Only successful applicants will be contacted.

If you ever want to submit work to GMBS, you may submit poetry, writing (both fictional and memoir), music and images relating to mental health to:

You are able to post under a pseudonym if you wish, and all published work remains copyright of the original creators. Be sure to include the word ‘submission’ in the title of the e-mail.

Thank you for reading and I hope you consider submitting work and contributing to the organization.

Have a great day. I wish all of you health and happiness in 2014. Cheers!

Universum Student Test

Hey guys!

I don’t often advertise on this particular blog, but this is important.

Universum, a major company which works alongside organisations from around the world has recently unveiled their annual survey for university students to undertake. By completing the ‘Wet Feet Career Test’, students, who are uncertain of their future career paths, will be able to know their career profile and discover which jobs are right for them.


In my spare time I am working as a Student Ambassador for the Australian survey. I believe this is an important endeavor because in the coming year, many university students may not be able to find themselves a job. Making the right career choice can be one of the hardest decisions, and this survey will assist students in finding the career that is right for them.


For university students in Australia, the survey can be undertaken here:

I wish you the best of luck.

Recently signed the petition to stop the unjustified killing of Montana’s wolves

Ladies and Gentleman,


I know, it has been a little while since I last posted, and I apologise for my inconsistency, however, recently I discovered something that simply ought to be shared because of its monumental significance.

Recently I signed the petition to help save the wolves in Montana from being unjustifiably slaughtered to extinction.

Now, yes, I live in Australia, so what right do I have to have a beef with something that is occurring in another country that I have no ties with?

I would answer that question with another. What right do we as people have to sanction the genocide of an entire species?

I understand that every day several species go extinct and maybe it has become justifiable in human culture to simply watch as animals on Earth are extinguished. But to stand by and do nothing, even when we know that something cruel and inhumane is occurring, is that not criminal? Ethically and morally, if not for any other reason?

Maybe signing the petition will do very little; but it’s a start though – and if doing the right thing is no longer worth anything, then what is the point to being alive?

I personally would like to live in a world where humans are not the only animals walking the planet. What about you guys?

I signed the petition at this particular address:

If you believe as I do that this is an important cause, please feel free to sign this petition.

Thank you for reading guys!

Have a great weekend!



I began this blog so that all of the content that I did not want impeding on my other blog, I could instead store here. Tonight however I am using this blog for an entirely different reason; therapeutic.

Well, hopefully.

It’s Friday night here in Australia as I type away this particular number, and the reason why I am writing this rather than being out on the town like other stereotypical young adults is for the simple reason that I have no paramour in my life to go out with.

Yes, I have friends (actually, I’m lying – I have a best friend and I have a couple of friends overseas) and I have a family (who I get along with as often as I travel to Mars by pony), but, like I have written previously on this blog, I have this hole inside me which can be filled only by a potential love interest, and as long as it remains unfilled, I am forced to endure this feeling of intense loneliness.

Okay, full confession? I have not being in a romantic relationship since 2009. In 2012 I began to think that a relationship may be a good thing to attempt, as I have continued to think since, yet attempting to start one is proving to be immeasurably difficult.

You see, as I have (I think) mentioned on this blog previously, I suffer from depression; I have since I was 15, and I have since convinced myself that no woman could ever possibly fall in love with me, which is what makes attempting to ask a woman out so difficult. I already think a woman is going to say ‘no’ before asking her out, so I normally don’t bother.

In June of this year I asked a woman out, and I probably should not have done so. Reason: she is SO out of my league (I say ‘is’ rather than ‘was’ because I bump into her every Monday – funny – I asked her out because I thought I would never see such a beautiful woman again, and yet, now I am forced to do so!) Basically, I was pretentious to think for a second I was her type; to think she was available; to even attempt such an action.

But, amazingly enough, after I asked her out and was rejected, I did not feel so bad – true, my ego was deflated and I was disappointed, but it was not as painful as the feeling I have in my gut right now.

A young woman I met in 2011 resurfaced in my life this year, and I never began to pay her much interest until now. In August we really began to communicate, and I told her I thought it was strange that a beautiful, intelligent woman such as herself was without friends, and we talked about not affiliating with people at the university campus we attend and she later mentioned she was single when I raised the idea of a possible partner.

Like I mentioned previously – I often convince myself that women cannot love me, and the same applies here.

I contemplated asking her out last week, but this feeling of mine halted my doing so, and today I just went for it; and it turns out she began to date a man not even a week ago. If I had asked her out last Friday as planned, I might have been lucky enough to be dating her right now.

This is of course, my own damn fault.

I guess the reason why I wanted to go out with her is, yes, because I like her, but the real inspiration for my asking was for a different reason entirely. I may have written this here previously, maybe not too – full confession, right? – but I have in the past attempted suicide, and one technique that I have been using to keep my depression from completely destroying my existence is to distract my mind; as long as I am doing something; working; going to university; talking to friends or family – I am not thinking of my depression.

However, this technique of mine has been waning recently, and I at present feel as depressed as I did back in 2010, which is the last time I attempted to take my life, and was the one time when I really nearly succeeded, and if my friend had not intervened, and, with the help of her father taken me to a medical clinic, I would not be here now.

On that note, I felt that going out with this young woman would do me good; would help me with my depression and fill the hole inside my gut.

Instead, that’s not going to happen. For a long time I wanted to die. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that I don’t necessarily want to die now, but this is the first time that I can remember when I am scared; I don’t know if I will be able to continue without, well, love I guess.

Anyway, I just wanted to write this, and I have.

Thank you for reading!

Oh, and I don’t think this was therapeutic at all! But I tried, right?

How important are looks in everyday life?

How much do looks play in everyday life?

On my blog I occasionally ask rhetorical questions such as this, and I often do enjoy some of the responses that come from them.

I ask because, well, I guess it is kind of difficult to explain without being an open book.

I am unsure if I have ever admitted to this on the blog I am writing in now, and if not, I guess this is as good a time as any; my name is Derek, and I have lived with depression since I was 15.

Why do I admit to this you may ask? Well, I doubt my mental state was at all helped by a number of my high school peers who seemed to make it their duty to ensure that my years spent undertaking secondary education would be incredibly gruesome, and being continuously abused, physically as well as mentally left a number of scars, and not just the visible ones. Being continuously told to go kill myself only furthered my suicidal behavior; being told how much I was hated only made me hate myself even more; and being told how hideous I was only caused me to loathe the way I look more than I already did.

I am naturally one of those people who has never really been truly satisfied with my looks, but I neither have the intention (or the money) to go under the knife to do anything about that. Although I was once a child model, I believe my looks began to wane at an early age, and if you direct your attention stage right, I am sure you can make your own observation on how hideous I generally am.

All of this information leads directly back to the question I asked at the beginning of this post.

Now, before I continue, I will say this; even though I was once in a five year relationship with a woman, what I know about women I could probably write on a post-it note, and what I don’t know about women could fill a series of novels that could span for generations. I am writing this because I have a theory; I believe that women care more about looks than men do.

I do not mean any offense by that, and if I have caused it, I do apologise but please, allow me to explain. Many women talk about how they care about feelings, and this argument has been made during my university classes when women are discussing the lack of realism generated by certain female characters in literature, complaining that the author did not place another emphasis on emotions experienced by these fictional women.

However, I would argue, how often do you see a beautiful woman going out with a man who is not good looking?

As an example; there was a woman I knew during my undergraduate university course, who said online and off that she was ‘not shallow’, and thus did not care how a man looked like. She said all she cared about were feelings. Now, she told me once that she liked me – I believe this was a general observation of my character. When I asked her out, she was absolutely horrified that I had come onto her and made it very clear that she did not wish to date me – why not; simple – I wasn’t good looking enough. This, dear reader, was her reason for not going out with me.

This happened a year ago, so I am very much over such an occurrence. Instead, I am attracted to someone else now, and again, this pertains to my original question.

In July I asked this woman out, she told me she was already in a relationship, and I told her I would respect her answer and have since then left her alone. Unfortunately for me she happens to be in one of my university classes and I bump into her once a week, and although I am smart (that’s debatable) enough to realise that nothing is going to happen, and on every other day I barely ever think about her, it isn’t exactly easy for me to inevitably bump into a woman that I am attracted to and have this rather awkward silence hanging over us.

You see, I didn’t exactly ask this woman out in the conventional sense – I wrote her a poem, where I wrote about how beautiful she was; how fascinating I found her to be, and how I would happily die a million deaths to buy her a coffee, among a couple of other things that may be a little too embarrassing to write here. I didn’t sign my name or anything; I concluded the piece anonymously, and said that if she wanted to know the ‘writer of this here verse’ that if she were to wait around when lunch time arrived, that I would make myself apparent.
So, she waited around; she gave me her answer; and thus, awkward moment.

Now, one of the reasons I became attracted to this woman was, well, I guess her aurora; she just naturally stood out (you know, when everyone else ceases to exist and only this one person is visible in a crowd of several dozen other people), and another would be the fact she did not seem to be very popular. She never sat with the ‘cool crowd’ and during lunch breaks I noticed she only ever hung out with one other woman, and no one else.

These were two of the reasons I was attracted to her; I am not to sure these reasons apply so much now though. Yes, I am still attracted to her, I can’t help it (and unfortunately for me, being in the same class as her has helped me realise she isn’t just beautiful, but incredibly intelligent and has a healthy sense of humor, so, damn, damn, damn!) but she seems to have deliberately changed her attitude or something to conform to the societies in the classroom. I did mention that she seemed to not hang out with the ‘cool crowd’, and originally in class she didn’t either.

You see, there is this group of about three guys and three women who are ‘the cool kids’, a term once used by a young woman who said these three words before ditching her own friends to go sit with them. In class it generally seems that everyone is lining up to kiss their arse, be their next best friends, and if that is not enough, I know for a fact that at least one of the guys has dated one of the women, if not two of them judging by the conversations I have overheard him having with some of his other friends.

Now though, the woman I am attracted to; she sits with this crowd; and hangs out with them after class.

I will note that I am in no way this woman’s keeper, and she has every right to do whatever she wishes and spend time with whoever she wants. Just because I will never be associated with the ‘cool crowd’ in no way means that she should not be.

But this again goes back to the question regrading looks, but this is not the physical sense of the word, as much as it is the visual of one’s character. This certain young woman (I do know her name FYI, I am just refusing to use it in this post as to not further embarrass myself!) has obviously decided that she would rather look ‘cool’ than look like a loner (like me!) and although I respect her decision, it certainly means that if she were to break up with her current partner, that I have absolutely no chance of ever being with her since those associated with the popular crowd never lower themselves to interact with those beneath them.

Continuing on with the notion of if she were to break up with her current partner, would she remember that I am attracted to her and alert me to the fact that her relationship status has changed when she is ready to begin dating again? Or will she not give a damn and go out with either someone associated with the crowd she now associates herself with, or with someone more attractive than I am?

I realise it is not healthy to like someone who is unattainable. However, I find it difficult to move on when I am going to keep bumping into this woman until the start of November. Once this month comes around the chance I will see her again is minimal, and then I will probably be able to resume my life as usual. Until then, I am cursed to see this woman.

So again, I ask the question, how important are looks in everyday life?

I don’t necessarily need any answers, but anyone who wishes to contribute to this post, feel welcome to write your thoughts into the comments section below.

Thank you for reading dear reader and I hope you have a pleasant day.

If you are broke, do you have the right to ask someone out on a date?

In the past on this blog I have asked two questions regarding relationships, including ‘do guys date women who remind them of their mothers’ after reading an article on the subject and feeling a little queasy at the thought, to asking ‘do women date guys who wear glasses’, which was more of a rhetorical question, but I was glad for the feedback generated by it.

Today I am asking another question, and as suggested by the title, it is as follows: if you are broke, or are not economically comfortable, do you have the right to ask someone out?

Over the course of this post I am going to be talking about a man asking a woman out, however, the same argument can be made for anyone of any gender in any relationship.

Now, I’m not saying that I’m broke, don’t get me wrong. Of course, I wouldn’t openly admit to such an embarrassing notion even if I was. At the moment I have the money to sustain myself and acquire the necessities (food, etc) and can acquire entertainment on an occasional basis, however, if I were in a relationship, I have no evidential proof of how long I would be able to afford to go out with a woman before I inevitably ran out of money to date her, let alone support my own existence.

I think it is an obvious connotation, that if a guy asks a woman out, then he is expected to pay for, well, a lot, and I will not argue against this assumption. If you are asking someone out, you are asking for their time and their commitment and so you should fork out the money to enjoy their company. You are asking them to accompany you to places and to spend time with your friends. If you were not a part of their life they would be spending their time doing other things, and so, if you ask me, the man should put up most, if not all the money for the time that he is lucky to be spending with a living, breathing human being that they like.

However, if you do not have the money to accommodate for this, then I am unsure whether the man has the right to even ask the woman that he fancies out. I believe it would be plain rude for a man to ask for a woman to spend her time with him, only to say after a decent night’s meal at a fancy restaurant ‘oh, I don’t think I can entirely afford this, do you mind paying for half the bill?’
A woman may have agreed to go out with the man, but I cannot imagine her ever agreeing to pay for the meal that the man wanted her to have with him, nor would I even want her to. Maybe I’m strange, but I feel a man would have quite the nerve to ever do that to a woman. I’m not saying a woman could not afford it, not at all; I’m saying that she probaly would not have attended this restaurant if the man had not asked her there, so why ask this certain lady to put her hard earned cash into the equation when it was the man who asked her to be there in the first place?

Adjunctively, what if a woman left her former partner to have a relationship with a man who had recently captivated her attention, only to discover that he was not as economically stable as the partner she recently left? Would she not feel horribly cheated?

The reason I am asking these questions right now is as follows – if a man does not believe he can afford to take a woman out for the period of longevity that he would like the relationship to last, should he simply not bother to ask a woman out at all?
This may seem like an easy decision to make when written on paper, or in this case, a blog, but I would argue against that therom.

I believe that as soon as we humans in general agree to have a romantic relationship with another person, that we give up the ignorance we were originally born with, that ‘ignorance’ being our unknowing of how it feels to be in love. The moment we welcome someone into our heart, I believe that we become accustomed to that feeling, and thus, cannot live without it. I’m not saying that dating is like oxygen, and is thus a mandatory part of life, but I am arguing that if that first person we date were to leave us, it leaves a hole, and every time anyone leaves from that moment on, the hole returns.
Before dating we had no idea of the pain felt when someone leaves. We also had no idea of the loneliness felt when we do not have a paramour in our lives. True, if a person has friends and family they are not essentially ‘alone’ per se, but there is a difference between the hole left from not having family, and the hole left from not having a love interest.

I can’t really believe I am going to admit to this (however I will because it will strengthen my argument), but I myself have not been in a relationship for over a couple of years, and I can assure you dear reader if you do not already know, that what I noted in the previous paragraph is true, at least for me. Although I have friends and family, they cannot fill the hole that is now meant for a paramour, and it does become quite brutal every so often when I realise how many a night is the same – dinner for one, dessert for one, wine for twelve (maybe I’m kidding about the wine, or am I?).
It would just be nice to have someone in my life that I could love because, well, isn’t it nice to love someone and to be loved back? I’m sure there is not a single person out there who will disagree.

Now, unless I’m destined to spend the rest of my existence alone, and I would hate for that to come to fruition, I would like to think there is still hope for me, which comes all the way back to my original question – do I have the right to ask a woman I like out if I cannot fathom I will be able to always afford the ability to take her out?
Of course, there is more to dating than going to fancy restaurants, clubs and theaters, and I am sure continuously having a woman over at my place for dinner, or cooking at hers; or making every date night a movie night, will inevitably become quite boring.
Besides, if you like someone, there is the expectation that one must shower them with gifts every so often. The argument ‘I will always love you’ in my opinion has not been enough for some time, and unless you can show a woman your affection through jewellery, clothes and other like accessories, I do not think that the four letter word in the three word sentence will always remain believable.

On this note, image is just as important as affection, which is often where economics comes into this, for money does pertain to a person’s lifestyle. Now, I am not an expert on women (who is?), but I think it is a fact (and if it’s not then I beg the forgiveness of every woman on the planet) that women like men who are: good looking, older than they are, mature, confident, economically comfortable and suitable to the lifestyle the woman enjoys, have their own place of accommodation (basically, they are not a kipper and still sleep over at mum’s house when they are nearly thirty years of age), own a car of their own (and can drive it, although I think ownership usually implies driving capability), are in a professional occupation, and on top of that, have the ability to keep a job for a period of longevity.

Although I can admit to having some of these qualities, I would be lying if I did not openly admit that all of these do not necessarily describe the man I am today. Again, this leads to the question, do I have the right to ask a woman out if I am not economically stable?

Additionally, does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he is still in is twenties and lives with his parents?
Does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he does not own a car?
Does a man have the right to ask a woman out if he is not incredibly popular and really good looking?

I’m not saying those three above questions pertain to me, but they do fall into the same category as the primary question that I had begun this post with. I think I am getting ahead of myself here, but I do believe all of these questions can be asked.

Now, perhaps these ideologies are simply those generated by a mind that is lacking confidence in the area of dating? Maybe so, but the fact remains the same that money is unequivocally an important factor in a relationship. According to research statistics recovered online, it costs between 2-4 thousand dollars a year to maintain a stereotypical relationship, and if one does not believe they can afford this kind of money, should he attempt to orchestrate a relationship with a woman in the first place?

I realise I keep asking the same question time and time again, and that will be the last time I do so.
This here is just my opinion. Any other opinions on the subject will be very welcome in the comments section below.

Thank you for reading, and I bid all of you a good day.

Confessions of a Coffee Addict

I know, I know! I haven’t posted anything recently on this particular blog of mine, but fear not (if you were fearing) for I have found a topic that I wish to discuss! (Wild applause)

Ever since Riva disappeared from the shelves, I have been desperately searching for a replacement to supplement my love of coffee. More often than not I am disappointed by the lack of taste or general weakness that a particular blend provides, but upon smelling the fragrance of the Avalanche Duo, and noticing that it was the first coffee since Riva that smelt genuine, I thought I was onto something special.

You will notice I am speaking in past tense, yes – well, that will be revealed soon!


I always heave two mounds into my cup, with one mound of sugar and no milk (I have always felt that milk deafens the taste). Basically, there are no difficult steps that need to be taken to adequately create a cup of Avalanche coffee, which is surprising because after my first cup of it I could have sworn that something had gone terribly wrong.

Now, for legal reasons, I will say this; I am not a professional reviewer, and this opinion is simply my own!

Okay, now back onto the review…

The first thing I noticed was that each mouthful of Avalanche Duo is thick. Riva and every other coffee blend I have ever drunk was thin, like water, and easily slid down my throat, and unless I am drinking cappuccino, I cannot imagine why a regular coffee would be as thick as this. If that is not enough, the drink is also quite sticky, and it felt as though there was something caught on my teeth, which is the last thing I need to feel whilst attempting to enjoy myself. Drinking coffee is meant to be a relaxing pastime right, not an annoying one?

If this is not enough, although Avalanche Duo smells like coffee, it tastes much different than what I was initially expecting. Instead of tasting, well, like coffee, Avalanche Duo has what I might call a fake chocolate taste to it. Safe to say, if I wanted the equivalent of hot chocolate, I would have bought that rather than coffee.

Lastly, and this is the most important part I realised, the last mouthful, albeit, rather large mouthful, was filled with sludge. Now, I called the hotline for Avalanche Coffee, (which was in New Zealand by the way so I am guessing my phone bill this month is going to be bigger than my ego) and I was told that this is meant to be this way. You see, 15% of this particular coffee is Infused Fresh Coffee, and this is what is supposed to happen when this particular variant is used, although I for the life of me cannot see how this is in anyway tolerated. Imagine drinking a cup of tea, and in the last couple of mouthfuls finding yourself choking on all of the leaves that have spilled out from the bag? That is how this is like, and as you might imagine it was quite a shock for someone who was not at all expecting this, and just as much the second time when this moron forgot what had happened the day before. Imagine that? Forgetful much?


There is however a way around this issue. If you are like me, you don’t drink your coffee immediately after you make it; you have your lunch/snack, before beginning to savor your coffee afterwards once it has cooled down by a couple of degrees. This is the problem. If you do not drink Avalanche Duo immediately after stiring it, the coffee will accumulate at the bottom in a sludge after returning to its original state. So, if you drink your coffee like I do, you need to stir it again before proceeding to drink – although I must admit one quick stir will not suffice – you need to really put some elbow grease in there, and then it should be alright. Only once though, over the course of the four times I have had Avalanche Duo, have I not had to suffer the sludge at the bottom of my cup.

My concluding review? Well, this is just my opinion and you dear reader may actually enjoy it. I however, a guy who does not believe in wasting food; good, bad or indifferent, cannot wait to finish the bottle that I bought. Must buy? For me, nope, never again I am afraid!

If you have tasted Avalanche Duo and have your own opinion, please comment if you wish.

Thank you for reading, and have a good day! Oh, and good coffee too!

News for back pain sufferers

In the last twenty four hours, reports on the news have stipulated that a new medical breakthrough could advantageously assist sufferers of back pain and provide an indefinite solution to the problem. The article I am currently acquiring my online information on to base this particular post of mine comes from this site here:

Now, before I continue I would like to add that I am not a medical professional. I have no doctorate in medicine or anything of like comparison, so I guess one could ask, why continue reading? I, like many people who would find this particular studying incredibly interesting suffer from back pain, so, like many of you, I am unfortunate enough to understand how it feels to be in constant pain.

According to Hanne Albert at the university of Sourthern Denmark, one reason behind some cases of back pain could very well be microbes known as ‘Propionibacterium acnes’ that stereotypically reside in one’s hair follicles, traces of oxygen, or even in the spaces between one’s teeth. My question would be, how can something from any of these three areas arrive at one’s back? The answer is, apparently, via the blood stream. This particular bacteria is supposedly harmless, unless someone has a slipped disc. These bacteria do not cause a disc to become dislodged from its location in one’s spine or any other like occurrence, but do aggravate the pain. Due to this, antibiotics can be used to bring a sense of realism back into one’s existence by reducing, or even removing the pain entirely with the continued use of prescribed medication.

This theory I do suppose sounds as though it has merit, but it has adjunctively being theorised that approximately only a small percentage of people may indeed have symptoms that can be related back to this research.

Now, why is it that I seem so skeptical about this? I don’t doubt that in some cases it could work, but this is not the first time that theories have been postulated about back pain.

In my case, although, as previously mentioned, I am no professional, I am almost certain I know why I suffer from back pain; I have a moderate protrusion of my T8/9, L2/3, L3/4 AND L4/5 and these press upon the nerves which cause pain to run from across my back and down my right leg. I do not believe that microscopic bugs could be responsible in my case.

For me, this sounds like an ideal that is too good to be true. I realise that I may seem incredibly negative and could very well be looking  a gift horse in the mouth, but I would rather not get my hopes up over a study that seems to be very much in the initial phases of testing.

As a sufferer of pain I understand that I am always hoping that some study will help relieve  me of this burden, as I am certain all of you are. I am aware that I need to be careful with what I lift and how I go about such an exercise. I can no longer lift dumbbells or any other weight sets and so can only do push ups and on occasion sit ups when the pain isn’t quite so bad.

I am also aware that the pain extends to more than just the one that you personally suffer through. I know how this makes acquiring a professional role to be difficult. When applying for jobs I used to note in the section where they queried whether or not I had back pain that I did and I never received any employment from those places, for reasons that were unrelated to back pain. I know that a profession cannot not hire a person based on back problems, but it is obvious they would rather hire a person who appears more physically capable, which is why I no longer bother mentioning that in  my applications. You know what? Since then, I have acquired job positions. Amazing!

I additionally know the familial pain that comes from this. I acquired my back pain two weeks before my eighteenth birthday. The doctor assured me that it was nothing; perhaps muscular in nature and that I was perfectly fine and assured me of this on two further occasions when I visited him in the future. I should have realised he was incapable. He was after all the doctor who told me after I had pneumonia fro the second time that I should take up smoking because if my lungs were going to become irreparably damaged from illness, I might as well acquire some enjoyment from it – by setting them on fire?
A year later I discovered a doctor who was willing to provide me with an x-ray and later an MRI and I discovered that I had always been right in assuming that I suffered from a protruding disc and that I would inevitably live with this. When I went to receive my results my father in his wisdom decided to escort me, which is something he had never done previously during my past inquiries about my back. The relationship between me and my father could never have been described as ‘great’, but the day I found out that I would be living with this pain permanently; the way he looked at me; it was like I was no longer his son, as though all of my past failures were nothing compared to this. He seemed to realise that obviously much of what he had always wanted me to achieve might very well be unattainable and so officially gave up on me then and there.

Moreover, my mother additionally to this day suffers from back pain and has done so since she was nineteen. She has had no less than eight operations since she was twenty eight, none of which have ever assisted her and have in fact made her condition worse to the point that she can barely move. The second and third operations she had were to fix what the original operation failed to successfully achieve, which was, what one might call, a colossal failure that inevitably ruined her life. Because of this I have always been skeptical of back surgery. I realise that a lot has changed, but I would rather not do something so major as this, and at the same time potentially risk losing the ability to walk in the process. There are risks with any operation but I feel there are considerably more with back surgery.

After having surgery to remove a pilonidal sinus back in 2010, I have since been left me with coccydynia. This is one such ramification of having surgery and this is further reason why I personally will never go under the knife to assist myself in relieving back pain unless it becomes fundamentally necessary or is thus my last/only remaining option.

Relating this piece back to a topic I was discussing a couple paragraphs prior, I am additionally aware that back pain causes pain for the future of families and since my mother had major problems with her back that have since been genetically transferred onto me, the chance that I could transfer the same condition onto any potential children that I may in the future have is a grave concern of mine. I would love my children no matter what, but do I wish to make the choice of having them knowing that they too may very well suffer as I am?

A couple years back I told a woman that I liked that I suffered from back pain and it immediately changed our relationship. Safe to say we haven’t talked since. Some people cannot deal with the idea of living with back pain just as some people cannot deal with the idea of living with someone who endures it. I am now skeptical of telling anyone close to me about my condition from fear of what might happen, but when the day comes that I do find myself with a romantic interest that I love more than life itself, I would like to think that she would stand by me rather than leave.

Perhaps in the future I won’t have to worry about such things, and if I be even luckier, perhaps in the future if I happen to have children who suffer from back pain, medical treatment would have advanced to such an extent that it will not in the slightest hinder them.

I wish the team in Denmark all the best with their research, although, as previously mentioned, I am uncertain how promising this could very well be.

Shall I be remembered when I have left this world?


What is the meaning of life?

It is a question that many have pondered about over the centuries, with a vast number of responses being theorised.

Of course, many would say that the answer is unbelievably simple: the meaning of life is to acquire an economically proficient occupation; to become a professionally empowered and respectable individual; to fall in love and one day have a cherished family. The biggest thing to keep in mind though, would be to always follow your mind; your heart; your gut; and to always, and this is the most important part – have fun. For what is life if it is dull, boring and predictable?

I on the other hand would additionally speculate that we wish to be remembered, right?

This is something that I have thought about – not often mind you, but it has on occasion crossed my mind. Bearing in mind this is not exactly the most positive post ever (in fact some may go so far as to call some of the connotations downright negative), so please bear with me. If you have objections, by all means – make them known at the conclusion of this piece…

Back to what I was writing…before we depart this Earth, we would like to have achieved something that someone would remember us by.

Militarian leaders of the past, the likes of Napoleon Bonaparte and Alexander the Great are especially known for their orchestration of the spilling of blood and frequent warfare; for their fantastical wins and unfathomable losses; the way they presided over their dynasty; and how they treated their municipals; their supporters; and their people.

I am not speculating that everyone wishes to go down in history with such a spectacular résumé under their belt, but I do believe that we wish to be able to look back and think ‘I will be remembered for this, that and the other.’

My question is, are we really ever remembered?

For instance, say when you leave this Earth you have yourself:
-a loving partner
-a fantastic child
-loving parents
-amazing friends
-a gorgeous dog
-a professional occupation

Will you be remembered?

Below is a purely hypothetical scenario of what could happen…

Your loving partner will weep for you, and will eventually; perhaps a year later, or maybe three, find a new lover and will happily marry them.
Your child will grow up calling another person ‘mummy’ or ‘daddy’.
Your parents will cry over you, for parents should never be forced to outlive their children, and then they too will pass away, and no longer will they grieve.
Your friends will drink to your memory, and soon afterwards find another friend to replace you with.
Your dog, being man’s best friend, will happily acknowledge the love and support of any new owner who comes into their life and will eventually forget you ever existed.
Your boss will, perhaps a week later, have already filled your position with another able bodied worker who will soon succeed you and go on to perhaps run the company.

What legend do we leave behind when there is always something, always someone that can so easily replace us? In love; in friendship; in professionalism; we are, each of us – replaceable. Really makes you consider the value of a human life.

Many people would say they would give anything to see their loved one again. But what would they give to feel happiness again?  How can we be remembered when the whole idea of living is to simply move on with your life when something horrific happens, such as losing someone who meant so much to you?

Besides, today, history is learnt and taught by so few people. Very few people have any respect for the past, and as the years go on, fewer people will care. There will come a time when people will simply not even remember about the ancient Egyptians; the ancient Greeks; the French Revolution, or the Russian Revolution; and if these significant moments in history are not remembered; how do you honestly think that you will ever be remembered for what you accomplished?

And in the end, much like the sands of time, we will be erased from the history of the world, and we will become nothing more than a whisper in the gathering dark, and soon after, we will be but silence in the background of time.

By this time, nobody will even remember us; and nobody will even care to.


Thoughts and suggestions are always welcome.

Have a great day!