My thoughts on the Boxing Day Sale

 

I am not geographically savvy, but I am pretty certain that many countries across the globe have after Christmas sales, and in Australia, as with a number of other countries, this particular occasion is known as ‘Boxing Day.’

I believe that this after Christmas sale is almost reminiscent of society’s way of presenting the public with an opportunity; if you failed to receive that gift which you truly wanted and do not wish to insult your friends and family by criticising their inability to take a hint, you can instead go out and purchase that which you always wanted at a supposedly cheaper price than usual.

I have often enjoyed this particular aspect of this occasion. Last year I left for the event with a cool $500 in my pocket and came home with only $132 remaining. This year I managed to limit my craziness by taking $100 less, and by some miracle on my part, managed to only spend $180 on presents that I accumulated during my travels through the couple stores that I visited.

However, even though the after Christmas sales presents this unique ability, I also have a rather negative interpretation of such an event. In fact, I think the sales could very easily be compared to the depths of hell.

How so?

One: The shops you visit are often cramped and crowded with an exceedingly huge number of people. The crowds are so vast and numerous that you often find yourself pressed up against a wall, gasping for your last, precious breath of air as your lungs fill with toxic gases, the likes of methane, BO and carbon dioxide.

Two: There are a large number of people running around, and many of them have a rather displeased look upon their faces. You often find yourself thinking ‘is that bloke gonna get me?’, ‘is that woman gonna get me?’, ‘is that toddler in the pram wielding the candy cane gonna shove that delicious sweet in my eye?’
At one point there was this short, chubby kid who couldn’t take his eyes off me as we crossed paths. My friend who was with me at the time, she said that he must have been jealous of my tall height and ruggedly handsome appearance. I asked her, if I was so tall and handsome, then why wasn’t she dating me?
She deflected the question with humour.

Three: Many of the gifts you are attempting to locate and purchase for yourself are lusted over by many other individuals, and often you will need to beat other patrons with a stick to successfully get out of there alive. N.B – other patrons don’t often appreciate being beaten with sticks.

Four: Often, stores only have a couple of check outs open. It is their way to ruining your day because their day is obviously ruined by the sheer force of the stampede that is rushing about what was once a relatively peaceful work environment, and is now tarnished by the fact that their store now looks a lot like an unpleasantly deranged asylum. With that said, the check out queues are often so unfathomably long, they make those huge traffic pile ups look like nice tropical vacations.

Five: There are very rarely any staff moving about the store, and so assistance is not guaranteed on this occasion. Any staff who are supposedly on duty you often find cowering behind large crates, their eyes looking over the tops of their hiding places in terror as they whimper ‘go away! Go away!’

Six: By the time you successfully find what you want, have fought off the attacking locals, have lined up in the queue and have survived the harsh environments, you then need to get out of there – which is made harder by the fact that there are now a hundred times more people wandering about the shopping complex than there were originally. If the zombie apocalypse ever goes down, it will probably look a lot like the after Christmas sale.

Anyway, if you did attend the after Christmas sales, or are just about to – I do hope your experiences were/are better than mine. Cheers!

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