Let’s talk about feelings…yes, I know, long drawn out sigh!
But what I really want to discuss is my feelings. I know, that is kind of pretentious, but hey, this is my blog, right?
One thing I have come to notice, especially online, is the way I convey my feelings to others. In blogs, I have this way about me, where as soon as I begin to talk about something serious, something that means a lot to me, I temporarily shut down, and I am no longer me, Derek Childs, a.k.a Naughty Nefarious – I become a sub-version of both these personalities.
How so? Instead of writing seriously, or from the heart as some might say, I take what I want to say, and I often make some rather crude or vulgar joke about it, or I formulate it in a rather rude way and try to make that which was meant to be serious into quite the riot.
This is quite the vulnerability for me. Basically, this occurs most when I begin talking about who I like, and who I would like to be with. I say how I really am infatuated with a certain someone and how I want to spend time with them, and then I make a sexual reference, not in a romantic way, but deliberately as to avoid the whole romantic sphere that I have generated.
I should probably not have to do this. In truth, I don’t have to do so period.
The issue is with ME. I don’t know why, but I want to talk about these feelings and issues online, and then when I do so, I begin to joke about them. I mean, how can I be taken seriously as a blogger or as a writer if I myself am not taking these issues seriously myself?
I would love to say that I intend to turn over a new leaf here, but I don’t like making rash promises that I cannot keep. What I will say is that in the future, if you read any more pieces of mine, I am certain you will know what I am talking about here when you see them.
How, the intro to the piece probably displays this whole conception to a ‘T’.
So, this is me, talking about how I talk, and how I am basically going to refuse to change.
Believe it or not, when talking to the people I have feelings for, it comes a lot easier. I know, hard to understand when reading this, but…I know I can do better, I just don’t think I really want to. I am not uncomfortable with the blogger I have turned out to be, but I ain’t gonna change cuz this is a part of me and I guess it/he is here to stay.
Thank you for reading.
Naughty Nefarious, or whoever the hell is writing this, signing off.