Harder Waste Collection, Harder!


It’s hard waste collection time once again, and come Wednesday the trucks will be filing up to take out the trash…or will they? Now, this ain’t a question of whether or not they will show up. True, they are not exactly reliable, but they do eventually always show up sooner or later, usually later, and quite often it is within a week, or a month, but still, that does constitute their arrival. No, this is a question of whether the trash will be there when they finally show up. Perhaps that is the great plan…the companies involved know that eventually all of the hard waste will be stolen by others, for one man’s trash is another man’s golden goose, so why not let the people rummage around in each other’s squalor until they themselves deal with it.

Every time I have put out trash for the hard waste collection, it has often disappeared before the trucks came to take it away, and I ain’t the only person to have this happen to. So why am I making this post about my trash been stolen from me? I mean, I did put it out with the sole purpose of having it taken, so why should I care if the people responsible for it have taken it or some floozy from across the street who thinks a relic from an era long forgotten is a technological step forward?

Last year I put out a freezer…a couple hours later a council vehicle came by to do some renovations on their plants. Sure enough, the bastard behind the wheel, the same guy responsible for caring for the plants to make certain they grew big and tall saw the freezer and thought ‘wow!’, and after having what I believe can only be justified as an orgasm, cuz who in their right mind steals a used freezer, grabbed it, placed it onto his truck and ran off with it as though he had just found Julius Caesar’s balls. I guess he did not realise that normal people did not toss out equipment that still worked flawlessly, and he would have had quite the shock when he plugged it in, only to find that it could no longer work; its ability to freeze was forever dead and gone.

Of course, back in 2002, I put out an old TV, an old VHS player (you know that’s old cuz it played videos!) and an old vacuum cleaner – and the neighbours stole the lot of ‘em not an hour after they were put out onto the nature strip. And today, I put out the TV that had replaced the one I put out in 2002, and that was just taken away too. A red car drove by, dunno what make and model, four guys (or thugs?) jumped out, grabbed the TV which I had placed into the box it had come in, attached it to the roof of their vehicle, grabbed a couple other items from other people around the court before driving off as fast as possible, leaving a trail of smoke in their wake.

I have learnt about such issues though, and plan accordingly. Boy, those guys are in for a little shock when they get the TV home – only to find I took a crowbar to the screen. And back in 2002 I planned ahead as well. I cut the TV’s power cord, so there was no way that was ever gonna be hooked up to anything – and I took the remote. For the VHS player, I cut that cord too, and I opened the old girl up with a screwdriver, ripped out some of her guts that looked especially important, and sealed her back up again. As for the vacuum cleaner – well, I doubt they could too much with that after I severely compromised the area where the paper bag that stored all the rubbish was to be secured.

I know, probably a little extreme, but I think it’s great to screw with people – they think they have found an item of significance, only to later find that I have won. True, they may have stolen from me, but what they stole ain’t worth the dirt it was thrown upon. This of course is leading to my next argument…is it legal to take shit that don’t belong to you once it has been tossed out onto the nature strip? Do the original owner’s still have a claim on it? What if they thought ‘you know, perhaps I shouldn’t throw out that certain item…’, only to go outside and find the certain item running down the street…well, the legs of the arsehole holding it are running – the item in question is screaming at the top of its lungs, hoping to be saved from the hands of the vile lunatic who has stolen her…okay, perhaps I’m getting a little carried away here.

In 2010, a Middle Eastern bloke in Melbourne put out his old vacuum cleaner for a hard waste collection, and two hours later a guy swung by and stole it off the nature strip and drove off with it. It was asked then, just as I did in the last paragraph, is this legal? The answer…there really isn’t one. Supposedly, when a person tosses something out on the nature strip, they are relieving the item of all of their rights. Kind of like disinheriting a child and tossing them out on the street. The owner is saying ‘leave! I don’t want you anymore!’ Of course, if the owner wishes to have the item back, and it has been stolen from the nature strip, that is basically the world laughing in their face. Like when you go to the football – you run the risk of having the red footy come and smack you between the eyes, same matter applies in this circumstance. If you toss something out, you run the risk of never getting it back if you just so happen to change your mind, so you ought to be one hundred per cent sure before you go around tossing out your priceless jewelry collection that you do not want it anymore, or whatever item it is that you are removing from your life.

I would just want to know – why would a person steal trash from someone’s nature strip? Now, yes, if they were homeless, that would be understandable. But these people I am talking about, these thieves, looters if you will – they have homes! Money! You telling me they are too stingy to pay a few thousand bucks on a HD 3D TV that they have to go steal a CRT TV from someone’s else’s property that is not HD, 3D, or even worth considering TV because it is so friggin’ old?

Next thing you know these people will be physically entering our homes and stealing our appliances right out from under our noses. Oh, wait! They already do that, they’re called thieves! So, what title do we give to those who take items from our nature strip?

As always, this is but my opinion…

…Naughty Nefarious, signing off


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