I think Twitter has it out for me…

 

…yes I do! And I ain’t paranoid! Here are all of my reasons why I KNOW Twitter is out to get me!

1)      My profile picture has disappeared three times this week! I keep putting it back, and the next time I go on there – it is a blue circle! Where the bloody hell is my image going? Am I hideous or something? Have people reported vomiting at the sight of my image? Or is it because I am wearing sunnies? Do people want to see my ravishing brown eyes? Well, we’ll see what we can do about that!

 

2)      My profile description has disappeared on a couple occasions! Where does it go? Does it grow legs and wander off to spend time with some saucy minx? What is happening elsewhere on Twitter more interesting than me bitching about life and all things in it that my personal description needs to flee! Come back I say! Come back! I WUV YOU!

 

3)      My followers keep disappearing. I admit, I don’t have many, but I once had over twenty. Now, I have what, 16! What’s more, these people who no longer follow me? They didn’t just stop following me – they have gone completely! Their profiles are gone! Twitter swallowed them up! It ate them…it’s only a matter of time b4 it eats me too me thinks…

 

4)      It keeps saying ‘Oops, you already tweeted that!’ when in fact I never did!

 

5)      A couple times a week Twitter announces that it made a mistake and that once rectified I will need to redo whatever it was that I did to ensure that it is done because they have undone what I did. Yes, sense that truly makes!

 

6)      It has automatically unfollowed some of the people I have followed. It once unfollowed Virginia Madsen! Of all the people to unfollow, why unfollow my Virginia? Why unfollow the most beautiful woman in all the world? Oops, did I just say that? Well, I guess now everyone knows who my celeb crush is… (It’s actually Ash Sroka, but since she don’t have a Twitter page, I followed no.2 on my celeb crush list instead)

 

7)      I cannot send a direct message to people who do not ‘follow’ me! Two days ago Dr. Tara Mokhtari, my fav Australian poet sent me a direct message. I don’t know why – but I could not send one back BECAUSE TWITTER DENIED ME! THAT BASTARD! I SHAKE MY FIST VIOLENTLY IN TWITTER’S DIRECTION! And like a bitch I will be blogging on Twitter again tomorrow.

 

8)      The girl of my dreams of whom is on Twitter refuses to reply to any of my tweets. I followed her and she followed me…but still she refuses to reply! Okay, by ‘tweets’ I mean ‘tweet’ because I only had the balls to send one. Maybe two. But she never responded to either of them! SHE HATES ME!

 

9)      The first person who ever responded to one of my posts tried to upload a virus to my computer! The link attached to his post was to a friggin’ virus! Lucky for me my spyware picked it up! Else I would not be writing this right now…I would be in the depths of hell!

 

Anyway…that is why I believe Twitter is out to get me. I have now finished my rant and feel quite content with me self. Oh oh, I feel another rant coming on…stay tuned for ‘why I think the neighbor’s cat is out to collect my toe nails.’ Yes, all will be revealed!

Thank you for reading, and may your travels on Twitter be slightly more pleasant than mine.

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